Mr.StrictlyIntimate
the Life, the Love and the Sex of Vienna.Archive for November, 2009
the happy Issue – or all about life, success and love!
After a longer discussion with someone personally unknown over the Internet and topics such as my personal love life and why I do not date at the moment, or why I just want to concentrate on my career than my love life I made the decision to write about my thoughts and why I do think that at the moment love will have to wait over the life I work hard for. Some of us do not only see a sense in leading the perfect relationship and choosing the partner’s life over the personal one. Isn’t it kind of sad that people still believe that you have to be in a relationship to gain happiness? Though it is actually more satisfying to be able to fulfill dreams you have in mind since you are a little boy? Dreams that will lead your way to a future life you have created for yourself ever since you began thinking about having a career that will make everyone stop and stare and stun over your abilities and your will to become whatever you always wanted to be?
In my world everything is possible. In my mind everything I want is just a shot away. In my heart I feel the velocity of racing towards everything I wanted to achieve in my life and I do not see a sense in putting pressure on my life to search for someone that might actually be just a disappointment because our imagination played a trick on us. Why giving up life for love? When actually loving should mean living who you want to be and who you are here and now? There shouldn’t be anybody telling you what to do or how to do what you are doing. It is all up to you and your needs, your wishes, your hopes and your dreams. It’s not mission accomplished just because you’ve hunted every man or woman down in order to find your personal partner of your dreams- a personification of everything no one can actually ever meet a claim with. A dream is just a dream as long as you do not go for it and try to fulfill it. A dream partner is just an illusion of someone you create the way you want him – your personality, your style, your opinion on everything – that is not the way the world goes. People are people. And people are human beings. People tend to make mistakes and that is awesome because it makes them human and it makes them emotional and sensible and above all it gives them strength to be who they ought to be.
If you have dreams in life don’t let anybody let them take it away from you just because they think being single nowadays is inappropriate. You know what? It isn’t! I had to realize it by myself in the last days. Around me everyone of my friends has a partner [well almost everyone except for one or two] and I was so unhappy that I did not have one, but actually I do not need one, well, not now – if I have to force myself to develop feelings for someone. When it is time for that, it is time and I will realize and my heart makes me notice by skipping beats that will drive me mad around the clock. But it came to my mind that I am happy all by myself. I have to clear a lot of things up and I can do what I want without rendering an account to anybody than myself.
Hey! I love life. I am so smiling right now about what I found out that I couldn’t be happy any more than right now. I am alive and I love to be alive and enjoy any second. I will never want to miss anything and above all I will never want to see myself saying that I regret being there – wherever there is. I love to dress up and I love to shop. I love fashion and I love to write! Gosh I love life! And above all I love my friends. I am nothing without everything I am doing right now. I am nothing without people that read these words. I am lucky to be able to do this and I am thankful.
So live life. Be happy. Be thankful and above all be YOU!
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
to Detoxify yoursef from the Blackness around you I share something with you…
In life you often come to a point where you can’t see a way out of misery, well on some days more often than others but there are things that make you hold on, thoughts that keep you strong and inner motivations that help you to face all the bad and evil that surrounds you inevitably and irrevocably. I wrote myself a song to make me happy, to keep holding on, to stay alive and to fight myself free from all the suffocating blackness in life. I share my lyrics, my heart and soul with you, my dear readers:
Detoxify Myself from Black
[by Mr.StrictlyIntimate]
Left my childhood behind
Left my complex alone
Left my neurosis to die
Left my fears back home
Left a million unfulfilled dreams
Left about one thousand memories
Left a few broken hearts
Left a little boy who was falling apart
All things bright and beautiful
That’s what I want to see
How to detoxify myself from black
That’s where I want to be
All thoughts nice and perfect
That’s what I want to feel
How to erase my fear of what is here with me
Little by little leaving my childhood
Little by little losing my complex
Little by little my neurosis grow
Little by little rinsing my fears away
Little by little fulfilling my millions of dreams
Little by little remembering all those thousand memories
Little by little mending the pieces of those few broken hearts
Little by little killing the little boy that fell apart by growing up
All things bright and beautiful
That’s what I want to see
How to detoxify myself from black
That’s where I want to be
All thoughts nice and perfect
That’s what I want to feel
How to erase my fear of what is here with me
Can a self-confessed black addict abandon the dark side?
Can a grown up boy go back to find his roots in his young life?
Can I get away from living in black and stepping out living Technicolor?
All things bright and beautiful
That’s what I want to see
How to detoxify myself from black
That’s where I want to be
All thoughts nice and perfect
That’s what I want to feel
How to erase my fear of what is here with me
It helps to write your thoughts down…you should try it.
Good night my beloved readers – be calm my life, my love, my all!
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
something to think, feel, ache, heal, get over anything that breaks the Heart
Something to think about…something to break up…something to sing about…something when you are lonely and something when you need to calm your soul from all the pain you feel and can’t get rid off as easily as you’d wish you could.
One of my all time favourite songs, the one that actually helped me out when I needed it the most. I am thankful for Taylor Swifts’ Album ‘Fearless’ and her song ‘You’re not sorry’, an ode, an homage and an anthem at the same time.
You’re Not Sorry
[by Taylor Swift]
All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I’ve been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it’s taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you’re thinking we’ll be fine again
But not this time around
You don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t wanna hurt anymore
And you can say that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you baby
Like I did before
You’re not sorry, no, no, no, no
Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn’t know
Could’ve loved you all my life
If you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I’m tired of being last to know
And now you’re asking me to listen
Cause it’s worked each time before
But you don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you baby
Like I did before
You’re not sorry, no, no, oh
You’re not sorry, no, no, oh
You had me falling for you honey
And it never would’ve gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade
So you don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There’s nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you baby
Like I did before
You’re not sorry
As she said – FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say ‘you’re NOT sorry’, and walk away!
If you have to, stop believing them and walk away to stand up and live a new life.
I am with you. I love you.
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
the List of Achievements – and my Personal Goals – or how I will always make You remember me
Yesterday I saw one of my most favourite movies – a Walk to Remember – and I will tell you something that might shock you right now, but every time I see it, I cry like a baby, because it is so touching and so honest and above all so real to me. So I sat there in the dark [all lights turned off] with my tee and a blanket on my couch [all by myself, of course, just as usual] and I stated crying, right the second the movie started just because I always remember how it will end at that thought makes me cry right at the beginning. Though it is weird, I like it, I really do enjoy it sometimes.
a Walk to Remember
In the movie Mandy Moore [playing the role of Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan] is suffering from leukemia and she set a list for herself, a list of goals she wants to achieve until the day she dies. And somehow this list is something that I think I should try by myself too, with my own goals, of course. So this is kind of the contract between me, myself and I, that until the day I face death, I will achieve following goals [not in this order of course, but this is a chart placing in order of personal importance - but I will only show you the five most important ones]:
5. I want a man proposing to me on one knee, with the perfect ring and the perfect environment and of course, he should plan everything in detail and above all secretly. But I kind of give up that thought slowly…somehow it seems that there is no man left over for me, at least no man with a sense of style, a romantic touch and above all manners, at least not in the gay world on which I kind of depend when it comes to finding a man.
4. I want to play a role in a movie or a TV show – even if it is small, I just want to be a part of such a production. I desire the feeling of having a spot set on me and then someone calls my name and it goes ‘Lights…Cameras…Action!’ and I pose and play my ass of.
3. I want to be able to buy myself an Hermès Birking Bag, because I dream of owning this bag, since I am ten years old. Above all, I am absolutely jealous because Victoria Beckham owns an unbelievable number of Birkin Bags and I want to be like her when it comes to carrying them around.
2. I want to study in London, Central Saint Martins – my Master’s degree in Fashion Journalism is waiting for me and it screams my name. Every night before I go to sleep I hear it screaming my name from London over to my flat.
1. I want to be Editor in Chief of Vogue one day and actually nothing is going to stop me killing myself by trying as hard as I possibly can to achieve my heart’s desire. Since I am a boy of nine years I want to lead Vogue and I am sure, that there is no other plan for me. That’s what I want and that will be what I get in the end.
Well, that is my plan of making you remember me, every single day of my life, and actually you are a part of it now, that you are a reader of my blog. Everything I did so far, everything I do now and everything I will do in my future is a part of my plan to conquer Vogue and fulfill all my dreams and all my tasks and all my plans.
You are a part of it and you know you like it. I love you.
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
Dreams and Plans and Heart’s Desires – and the facing of the Fear of Failure
I feel like it is time to give people something to think about. In the last time I often came across thinking about fear and anxiety and of course, like usual about love. Sometimes it feels as if I am the only left over single in Vienna, because every time I go out with my girls or just shopping, or having dinner, it seems to me as if the whole city is in love or catched by the love train, except for me. At the moment I do not want to fall in love actually, because I am very stressed out and I have a lot to do with my bachelor degree, but sometimes it would be wonderful to just lie in someone’s arms in front of the TV in the rare moments of free time – but it is as it is, and I am fine with it, though a little bit lonely (I really have to admit this honestly).
I thought it is a good time now to talk about things, that motivate me throughout my life and in my life. Things that help me to move on, actually various quotations that make my mind and my will strong to go on fighting and working as hard for my future dream as it is necessary and even beyond necessity. I happen to think that things such as quotations can help you a lot, because they strengthen your mind and make you strong, such as music that calms my soul and heals my heart actually.
Fear brings you to a Dead Spot
One of the most important quotations for me is actually written down by Taylor Swift on her second album ‘Fearless’. It is about being fearless, and its necessity and meaning in life and of course the personal meaning. It is inspirational and it helps me to move on better and stronger every time I read it, which is actually on a daily basis:
‘To me, FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say ‘you’re NOT sorry’, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…that’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. Because I think love is FEARLESS.’
It is sometimes hard for everyone to hold on and to follow your dreams and ambitions, when you face fears of failure which I often do because though I have a strict plan set in mind I often come across thinking if I am able to do it. I have a lot of self confidence, sometimes even too much I would dare say, but when you face people around you doubting in your plans and talents it is hard to remain strong and ascertained, though I do my best, every single day, because I know that I will go my way. But sometimes you just cannot NOT doubt in your own talents and dreams and plans and hopes and wishes – it is an inevitable state of life, of every one’s life and we have to admit sometimes that we doubt, because it is just a human thing…it is absolutely human and you can’t ignore it because going through it, working your way through doubts (not only self doubting) makes you stronger and firm and fierce and brave – and this is what you need to follow your dreams, your heart’s desires.
Well you will see me one day – and you will be surprised.
To all the doubters…I will show you how valuable I am.
To all the haters…it is jealousy that prevents you from thinking about your own failures.
To all the believers…I love you!
Follow your dreams. You can do it all and I believe in you!
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
