Archive for Klagenfurt
We are in the car on our way back to where we came from. The navigational system calculates about 45 minutes until we reach our first stop – Carinthia. Some of us decided to take a dip in the Woerthersee to end this trip which should have been all about swimming, bathing and getting shockingly tanned, with a couple of hours of Austrian water and sun.
I for one part have decided to not jump into the Woerthersee but occupying myself with my MacBook and the season finale of ‘The Diary of the Traveling Burberry.’ It’s the last episode everybody. The fifth and final one. The Parting of the Ways. Quite dramatic, isn’t it? Well – it is a bit. I sit here in the car leaving behind the fun and laughter I had in the last couple of days taking with me the memories of adventures and days in the sun as well as days with people I now would even more call friends than I have been able before. You know, in life certain things bring people closer together as well as certain things are often reason for drifting apart. We did not drift, we became closer for sharing thoughts, a lot of time and, of course, adventurous trips to haunted houses with histories deeper than our own and stories to tell that make us think about certain things we take for granted in our lives as well as our lives themselves. We live. And we take this life and think it is ours to waste though in fact it is ours to take care of, nurture, treat well.
In order of this thought – of the house with the seemingly sad history i have decided to take it a bit slow on writing about what I was wearing today and giving you the chance of imagining a calmer Mr.StrictlyIntimate. Someone who takes himself damn seriously but on the other hand is very open for a lot of adventures, laughter and honest discussions. The Traveling Burberry season two slowly comes to an end as we come closer to the rain station of Carinthia mile for mile. This is going to be the place where the parting of the ways will start. Soon the first good-bye’s will be told…
After a relatively long ride to Carinthia we’ve decided to have a little lunch. Well, a big one is actually more like it since the four of us found ourselves occupied with four big and heavy pizzas but we decided, since it was our last day of our trip and of the Diary of the Traveling Burberry, we do not care about the calories we are about to enjoy. And damn, we did enjoy. While the others where occupied with their food I found myself writing on this blog and thinking about the changes I went when being on vacation and when finding myself being back where I once was a couple of years ago on an emotional basis. There is something or someone in my life I can’t seem to get out of my head and on this trip I found myself even more engaged with this very person. It was then I realized I was storing the number of an apartment renting advertisement in Klagenfurt where this very person lives. And here I sit and wonder – will it ever take me there and will life have me there for good?
Anja arrives with the second car – the other four already took off by train and she decided to stay a few more days in the country where she once lived for a couple of years. I sit there and wait. Wait for someone to arrive. Two and a half hours. He doesn’t and the pressure of leaving is heavy on my heart for we have a train to catch from Leoben. So I try to squeeze a few more minutes out of the other’s patiences and then ten minutes after six and exactly two hours and forty minutes after desperate waiting we say good-bye to Anja and take off.
We are having drinks. Our last drinks on this trip. We have already bought our tickets so there is nothing to stress about. We sit there and enjoy the skyline of Leoben, which seems to be impressively soothing to the other’s nerves. The pain of leaving Klagenfurt still beats heavy in my brain and even heavier in my heart. I am constantly checking my iPhone and I feel like being back where I once was. A long time ago. Is this really me? Is this really where I belong? Do I have to go back to that place? Vienna. I can’t even bare to say it out loud not mentioning forming the word with my thoughts. Back to the old place where I come from and where I will always belong somehow. But I can’t. I do not want to stay there. I want to remove myself from that country like people remove stains from their most beloved pieces of clothing. I want to find myself somewhere else. I feel like I can’t move on with finding myself if I do not finally leave the environment I know so well but connect to so little. I do not have a home. I never had one. I never had something that felt like a home to me. The only person I was closest to calling home is the only person who is not in my life anymore. Is it always that hard to find a home? To find a place to call home? Where do we belong? Where do I belong? Time passes by and we go. Leave the bar.
I find myself in the train writing these lines watching my sister arguing with the guy who controls our tickets. What is there to fucking argue about? Damn OEBB.
Are we there yet? Vienna?
The trip ends here. Or there. It was a good one. One full of laughter – one full of people who connected over jokes and drinks and stories of life. It was a time I will never forget and it definitely was a trip we should do another time. Thank you for that time and stay true to yourself – everyone, you are great, just the way you are.