1. It’s not you, it’s me…boys and girls, no one will ever be that stupid to really believe this obvious, shameless lie. You must own the intelligence quotient of a nutcracker to be insane enough to think that this famous quotation taken out of a movie could honestly be a tongue-in-cheek break-up reason that gets along without any kind of statement, giving the impression as if you suffer from mental retardation. Cut it out, really.
2. I need some Time for myself… really, guys, if you want to fuck someone else break up right and do not pretend as if you would honestly need to take some time to think about your emotional detachments. Do you really believe anyone buys such lame excuses? Let me tell you one thing – NOT AT ALL! The last time I have heard this sentence a friend of mine/colleague got kicked out of her flat by her boyfriend, though they owned it together…and now she lives with her mother again, because he told her, that he needed some time to think about the relationship and his feelings, but he would tell her after about one week, if he still wanted to be with her. In this one week she gave him – she had to give him – he told all his friends it was completely over and she heard it from one of his friends, because it accidentally slipped out of his mouth. Nice way bastard!
3. I love you, but I love me more…please, let us be honest – this sentence doesn’t even sound right out of Samantha Jones’ mouth. It is all wrong though sincere – but loving yourself more than someone else is just sad actually and very narcissistic. And totally unnecessary, of course. Loving yourself is truly important when it comes to loving others’, because those who cannot afford love for their own minds, bodies and souls can never afford it for another human being. So love yourself – but don’t distend it!
4. Can we stay friends?…NO, we can’t! How dare you breaking up and still thinking of keeping a friendship alive that maybe ends up fucking one another just out of a bad habit?! A former relationship doesn’t mean that you have to keep your connection by a sexual relationship going. It’s disgusting and poor. And by the way sharing a bed doesn’t mean sharing a friendship – two different pair of shoes, one solution – cat fight!
5. I think I am incapable of maintaining a relationship…OH! Poor you. ‘Forced’ into a ‘lifetime’ commitment and one time you suddenly awake and think: ‘I can’t!’. Keep it real – not being able to maintain a relationship to another human being just symbolizes that your emotional intelligence and your social competence are poorer developed than your lack of intelligence and authority of expressing a grammatically correct sentence.
6. I fell in love with someone else…and I must have been some kind of pastime on your fabulous way of finding Mr./Mrs. Right?! Thanks- feels absolutely great- oh, and by the way (btw) you are an asshole for meeting other people to get the chance to fall for someone else, while you are in a relationship with me. Fidelity must be a synonym for volatility in your dictionary.
7. You deserved someone better than me…AH…What?! Just kidding, right? This can’t be a serious reason for breaking up with me. If you really, really…really believe that I am that wonderful to deserve someone special, perfect, better – than you would never ever dare to give me away because of being proud that you caught me in your web. Honestly – you got some real issues. In fact you mean you deserve someone better, but you are afraid to be straight enough to speak that out- right into my face. Sorry – unacceptable!
I’d wish this post/article/piece would prevent people from speaking out those sentences – but unfortunately I guess some human beings will remain unable of expressing the truth. One recommendation? Be honest. Be straight. Be you.
P.S.: Check out the Magic 7 [Part I]: 7 Men you should not have a Date with.