Yesterday I saw one of my most favourite movies – a Walk to Remember – and I will tell you something that might shock you right now, but every time I see it, I cry like a baby, because it is so touching and so honest and above all so real to me. So I sat there in the dark [all lights turned off] with my tee and a blanket on my couch [all by myself, of course, just as usual] and I stated crying, right the second the movie started just because I always remember how it will end at that thought makes me cry right at the beginning. Though it is weird, I like it, I really do enjoy it sometimes.
In the movie Mandy Moore [playing the role of Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan] is suffering from leukemia and she set a list for herself, a list of goals she wants to achieve until the day she dies. And somehow this list is something that I think I should try by myself too, with my own goals, of course. So this is kind of the contract between me, myself and I, that until the day I face death, I will achieve following goals [not in this order of course, but this is a chart placing in order of personal importance – but I will only show you the five most important ones]:
5. I want a man proposing to me on one knee, with the perfect ring and the perfect environment and of course, he should plan everything in detail and above all secretly. But I kind of give up that thought slowly…somehow it seems that there is no man left over for me, at least no man with a sense of style, a romantic touch and above all manners, at least not in the gay world on which I kind of depend when it comes to finding a man.
4. I want to play a role in a movie or a TV show – even if it is small, I just want to be a part of such a production. I desire the feeling of having a spot set on me and then someone calls my name and it goes ‘Lights…Cameras…Action!’ and I pose and play my ass of.
3. I want to be able to buy myself an Hermès Birking Bag, because I dream of owning this bag, since I am ten years old. Above all, I am absolutely jealous because Victoria Beckham owns an unbelievable number of Birkin Bags and I want to be like her when it comes to carrying them around.
2. I want to study in London, Central Saint Martins – my Master’s degree in Fashion Journalism is waiting for me and it screams my name. Every night before I go to sleep I hear it screaming my name from London over to my flat.
1. I want to be Editor in Chief of Vogue one day and actually nothing is going to stop me killing myself by trying as hard as I possibly can to achieve my heart’s desire. Since I am a boy of nine years I want to lead Vogue and I am sure, that there is no other plan for me. That’s what I want and that will be what I get in the end.
Well, that is my plan of making you remember me, every single day of my life, and actually you are a part of it now, that you are a reader of my blog. Everything I did so far, everything I do now and everything I will do in my future is a part of my plan to conquer Vogue and fulfill all my dreams and all my tasks and all my plans.
You are a part of it and you know you like it. I love you.