Well inevitably we have reached the first day of a brand new year and the start into a hopefully successful decade. I did celebrate Silvester quite hard yesterday and to be absolutely honest, I did enjoy every single second of it, except those in which I cried my heart out because of someone that hurt me more than anybody ever could and from now on anybody ever will be able to. Before I start writing about love and the loss of love and every emotional ambivalence that is connected with a humans’ greatest weakness, I want to thank my guys M. and M. as well as S. for trying to solace me and for this great New Year’s Eve. I actually never had any more fun than I had yesterday – and I am absolutely willing to repeat such a festivity some time. Never thought that some people could win my heart that easily and fast as you guys did – this is actually more than just business, for me, it is the right step into a friendship and I would definitely enjoy that.
You know, love is actually a funny thing, well, more painful than funny [at least that is what I experienced in my years of growing up and becoming an adult]. One day, when you at least except it, someone crosses your way and you spend time with these special person and you grow together and one day you realize that you fell in love as quick as you were able to say ‘Birkin Bag’. And then, if the other person fell in love with you too – you start having a relationship and you are happy sometimes until the point where you realize that two years have been a big lie creating a mess in your heart. Painful memories. Not a single day without millions and millions of tears. Sad days. And every day waking up to the sound of silence and a heartbeat that got weakened on purpose. And now I realize that love is nothing funny – at all – not in my life. It is something that someone in particular destroyed completely in my heart, my mind, my soul and my life. It was something I always believed in and now I have to face the fact that is it something I might not be able to experience ever again. Scary? Yes, indeed it is. But also because of the fact that I will visualize happy people in love around me throughout my life. Nevertheless I did make the decision that it might be the best to stop loving and start being busy to not have any time left to think about loneliness, solitude and silence in my own home.2010 is going to be a highly anticipated and very busy year for myself, but I appreciate it because it helps me to get my mind off my devastated life that is actually full of problems and realities I do not want to face every single day. So let’s celebrate business and start getting famous and impertinently rich. Cheers to the future my dear readers and to all of the plans I have in mind. It’s going to get rough, nasty and above all scandalously, sensationally successful, because I will work my beautiful ass off to reach every goal I have set so far.
To the rich and the famous. The beautiful and the creative. To me and my two guys M. and M. And of course to all of my friends!
I love you guys.