It is 14th day in February and as we all know it is the most commercial day of the year – actually the lover’s lane of guns and roses – Valentine’s Day. For your information, it is my 22nd St.Valentine and it is the 22nd time that I am ‘celebrating’ this wonderful lovely day without a boyfriend but with tons of glasses of Cosmopolitan’s [actually my own mix because my dear friend D. did not have Cranberry Juice -but nevertheless it is quite good and above all – it is alcohol so who the fuck cares, let us call it Mr.StrictlyIntimopolitan] and Sex and the City.
D. and I watch one episode after another and inside I lose myself in a complete rush of loneliness and the thought of spending the next 22nd Valentine’s Days all by myself – you know what? This thought actually makes me feel more lonely every second and every word I write…
What is it these days, that it seems almost impossible to find one single, sweet and self-confindent young man in this town, that wants to take me out for a date?! Why is it so hard to find someone that wants ME to be HIS Valentine’s date?? And why the hell am I still – after almost eight years of dating – seem to be more lonely than anybody else around me?!
At the moment we watch the 2nd Episode of the 5th Season called ‘Unoriginal Sin’ and it seems to be all about the thought of HOPING for an happy end. It is all about deciding wether you are an optimist when it comes to love or if you are a complete non-stopable pessimist…and at this point I have to ask myself what am I in terms of love, relationships and happy-ending commitments?! Who am I in this game of love? Is loving someone that miraculously impossible?
[Honestly – the only thought I have at the moment while I watch these Episode is, if I might have to buy myself a Fendi bag to be as en Vogue as my role model Carrie is? And right the second my next thought is which of Fendi’s bag would fit to me without looking as if jumping out of a movie called ‘Mr.StrictlyIntimate’s first drag show’? – well, I keep you updated on this one!]
I sip in my Mr.StrictlyIntimopolitan and think about fashion more than love, so do I need it? Or am I just playing tricks on my own mind to keep myself from thinking about the possibility of lonesomeness for a lifetime? Honestly? I do not want to think about being alone forever and for always because as Charlotte, I do believe in love but I am wondering when the next love train will finally catch me and keep me on its happy ending track. I just want to be in love – I just want to be happy – I just want to know my life will end the way I always pictured it – successful and married…
Wish you all a wonderful and happy Valentine’s Day my dear ones,
P.S.: My dear D. believe me, everything will work out fine and one day you will be absolutely happy with life and the way everything turned out to be.