You may have notices that I haven’t written about love since quite a long time now, well, this could have been happening for many reasons like not being in a relationship, not having any dates or not having the potential ‘marry-me-right-away’ guy right there beside me, but actually the answer is simple and short. I try out a new kind of principle for myself basing on not rushing into sexual commitments [okay I never did that before to be honest – I do believe in not having one night stands and still being able to survive, which is maybe totally atypical for being a guy and gay at the same time – and that is actually a rare kind of gay guys, believe me. I only know a handful of these personally.] or relationships that do not last as long as it takes you to realize that you are falling asleep beside a guy you could never imagine being with more than one, five or ten years – and to be completely honest, that is not the way I am.
Those of you who know me, know, that I am a very romantic type of guy – believing in butterflies and zsa zsa zsu’s and heart’s racing every time the one you love comes an inch closer and lying beside one another without talking and just listening to the other one’s breath and bringing flower’s even if there is no particular reason and making gifts because you want to, not because the deadlocked traditions of a certain festivity tell you to. I often wonder how some couples do find one another because of the way they look and behave and talk [well that is what mostly absorbs me when I find myself in public transportations on the way to university, work and so on] and yes, I know this is quite superficial but sometimes I think of it being quite unfair that they have someone and well I am on my own 24/7.
Please, do not get me wrong here, I do not have a problem with being alone or not being in a relationship, I am 22 – I have my whole life waiting for me and right at the moment I have so much stuff to do that I would not even be able to spare some time for a potential boyfriend, but it is just the thought that it could not even be different that creeps me out.
I totally grant others love and happiness and long term relationships and commitments with the signature of happy-ever-after, but I want that too. One day. I want the one I love deeply, honestly and truthfully standing right in front of me in he heaviest rain of all times confessing his love and kneeling down on one knee. I want the most passionate kiss when he picks me up from work even though I look like just coming from hell. I want a man waiting with some starbucks [grande extra hot caramel macchiato with an extra shot caramel] to pick me up from work as a surprise because he couldn’t wait to see me, because he missed me.
So back to my new principle. At the moment I am all about work – kind of completely soaked up with stuff to do and well, that is the only thing I concentrate on at the moment – not thinking about love and what coulda, woulda, shoulda have been. Life is the way it is. Here and now. At the moment. And that is everything that counts. That is what I live for – my very own here and now the way I want it to be. My heart’s desires, my dreams and my realities.
A couple of days ago I had a discussion with some of my fellow students about love and relationships in comparison to our momentary working situation with all the bachelor stuff we have to do and I was kind of the only one in the position to say that I love to be all about my work. Only about it actually right now. I do not seperate private life and work life because my work life is my private life and I ask myself and every single reader of this blog – isn’t this what work is about?! Loving, enjoying it so much that you do not have to seperate it from your private life, but letting it harmonise, merge with it. Work completes me, because I love what I do and I do not love it from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. because these are my working hourse [or hours I am at University], no, I love it 24/7, every single minute and every single second of every single day and every single week of every single month in every single year. That is what I am about and that is what I do. Exactly this fact is, what helps you to realize that you have found your dream job. If you have it – go for it – fight for it!