Attending a family reunion doesn’t seem as much of a fun when the one part of the family being the major factor of gossip is a no-show. Therefore, all we had was a typically and perfectly preppy reunion of what I like to call ‘Maison S’ – don’t even bother wondering what it stands for. I won’t tell you anyway, unless you know either me or one of my family members personally.
As it is night I find myself on my chaise longue reading a book called ‘before I die’ written by Jenny Downham I have come to think about the process of dying and the state of being dead. What does being dead actually mean? It seems to me as if life is a dying game from the first second we set foot into this world. Every step we take, every move we make, every game we play always seems to be revolving around two endings – either winning or losing, which accidentally and irrevocably comes close to either living or dying. So thinking of a list of things to do before one dies (just like the protagonist of this book) doesn’t seem to be so bad and weird if one considers that every day actually could be the last to walk on these land…does it?
Therefore, I come to terms with myself thinking about those important things I really have to do and I thought it might be a good idea to share those thoughts trying to inspire you to do the same – writing down the top ten of things you have to do before you die… before you irrevocably leave this world for good – wherever your soul may go… we know for sure that your body either gets burried eaten up by worms, burnt or maybe even spread as ashes somewhere in a sea or a certain area you used to love to visit, went to when you felt lost and needed shelter or just felt safe at.
10. Writing a last blog post revolving around my life – just like some kind of Memoirs of Mr.StrictlyIntimate. Sharing all the last bits of secrets because I know that it will be over soon and that I actually don’t have anything left to lose. I think that would make one hell of a post spilling all the dirty little secrets people shared with me throughout the years making sure they talk about me when I am gone – even when they just talk in rage and hate because I have ruined their lives with every word I wrote. I think this gives you a whole new perspective on freedom… at least somehow shortly before you aren’t free considering the fact that life takes the very last of you away for good.
9. Having sex for a last time with the one person I had the best sex with throughout my whole life, which would limit it to a very few out of a very big crowd of guys (just kidding of course – you know me…if life would be a parody of Mary had a little lamb I would play a virgin version of Mary wearing some sort of purity shield around me). But with that limitation I would at least make sure that the last fuck was a goddamn good one – I wouldn’t want to waste my last hard earned sexual commitment to someone who simply can’t get it up to do me right properly. Wouldn’t I? I wouldn’t! And so wouldn’t you.
8. I am not the kind of guy that likes to talk about feelings but I guess knowing that you are about to die makes you some kind of emotionally opened victim of foolishness dashing about all your heart contains and held back. Well, I guess one has every right to do that so that would mark my number 8 – telling everyone how I feel about him or her, whether good or bad, wonderful or heartbreaking, easy or hard… I think in the end that is what everyone really and truly deserves. Am I right?
7. Spending the last bit of my hard earned money on everything I have always wanted. I do not think this point does need some kind of special declaration or explanation it is what it is – spending every cent I have got on my bank accounts and in my pocket just to feel good for at least a whole day without thinking about savings and the future and consequences because there will be neither of that.
6. Go away for a weekend – somewhere I have always wanted to go. But nothing planned or structured or booked. Just a spontaneous trip to a far off place to collect my thoughts and to find myself a proper way to say goodbye to myself, my life and everything I have done throughout the phases of growing up and becoming who I will be in the end.
5. Sleeping in the arms of a man I loved once in my life. Just to have the safety factor back for at least one last night – feeling safe and secure, sheltered and somehow a little bit at home even though these feelings are just a picture, phantasy or remembrance on what has been once, who I have been… I think this is actually just more about feeling loved for a short time. Knowing one leaves this world with the thought of leaving people behind that truly loved one – even if it was ages ago.
4. Bungee Jumping – never done that but I want to fly. Freely. Completely in a free fall. I would never forgive myself if I would leave this world without having tried to just jump knowing there is a safety zone…knowing this is not the actual end… knowing that I am free and strong and capable of conquering the world in these short seconds of just falling into an insane depth.
Well, as my time has not quite come yet I want to leave the last three spots open to things that come to my mind while growing up more and getting myself to know the world a bit better including the people around me, my environment and all the secret and hidden forces revolving around me.
For now, good night. And read this book – it breathes a new fresh and beautiful perspective on life into you!