I actually do not how to start so I will try to find my beginning in telling you what is on my mind right now. I miss you already – and the weird thing about such a comment is, that I neither knew you nor had (or still have) the slightest impression of how your personality really is… but still I miss you. Your unique voice singing always gave me the chills and when I think back to you Back to Black album and every song it contains (I have to say here, that my most favorite of your songs hits my iTunes in a loop but I will come back to that later on in this letter – I promise) holds a special memory for this album helped me so much in troubled times I actually never talked about. But considering the fact of your sudden and shocking death I have to say that it might be a good reason to talk about it.
You know (actually not, how could you possibly know), today, when I turned on the radio and the news speaker said your name I could not believe my ears. I just sat there and my mouth literally fell open in shock and in trying to find any words to say. The people around me actually must have been thinking I was going crazy because of my facial expression but what they do not understand is that it hurt me deeply to hear that you won’t be breathing or singing anymore. Do you know what you have done to yourself and to the people your songs helped over hard times? Do you realize that you were a role model to all those who had lived the dream of becoming famous for everything they were – not just their vocal talent or their spirit in writing beautiful lyrics but for being someone with a certain personality that simply can’t be ignored or that might sometimes be simplified to just being weird, though, in fact those who were called the weird ones, were all the dreamers, all the fighters and all the talents who admired you deeply and sincerely?
I can’t really blame you for losing yourself and the matter of caring about yourself in an industry that obviously always only cares about the next catchy headliner (and we both know you had some there) and not about the artist, but still you should have been stronger and more capable of withstanding hallucinogenics for you were so unbelievably talented that a lot of celebrities and wanna be stars simply had to take a bow when hearing your voice singing those hauntingly painful and sad lyrics.
It is sad and I am sad. I really am. I just remember one situation I needed help the most and your song was just there – Love Is a Losing Game. It definitely is, I have to admit on that. But still the essential of my saying is that when I was lost because of the biggest hurt and disappointment I have ever had to meet your song was there, encouraging me to hate love, encouraging me to being angry and sad, allowing me to being angry and sad and above all being behind my back telling me that it is okay – everything. And you were right somehow. Life is always about memories and painful happenings, but still life (and so is love too!) is about moving on and getting up when being knocked to the ground because you get stronger every time you can make yourself stand back up. Thank you so much for that – you can’t imagine how much this really meant to me… I think no one could possibly imagine what I feel towards listening to this song (still running in a loop on my MacBook) if they haven’t been in such a situation themselves and yet again I do believe that out there must be a countless number of broken hearts and knocked down people that just stand up because they have your support playing on their iPhones, iPods, MP3-Players, BlackBerries, Laptops, MacBooks and so on.
Oh Amy… it is a shame that you have left. It is a fucking sad shame that you gave yourself away so easily. But still we can’t be mad. I hope you find your peace wherever you are. Because in the end that is what you deserve – peace of soul. I love your music. And I love how it feels to me when I listen to one of your songs. I will miss you. I already do.
Rest in Piece wonderful, beautiful, talented miss Amy Winehouse.
(And here I break my XOXO-tradition in honor of your work!)
faithfully, sincerely and above all admiringly