the Life, the Love and the Sex of Vienna.

A Not-Lover’s Complaint.

The headliner may be a little bit intriguing considering me neither being a lover nor having one but since I seem to be experiencing how others faithfully and dedicatedly love each other every single day and proving that by kissing and touching and hugging and making their little funny insider jokes everywhere they are not thinking about who they are with and if it might be a little inappropriate every here and now I thought it might be quite a good idea to write, inspired by William Shakespeare’s a Lover’s Complaint, a little Not-Lover’s Complaint. I even considered rhyming but I guess nowadays it is not so chic if guys rhyme but then again, I am openly gay so my masculinity is questioned nonetheless.

While Shakespeare writes…

‘So on the tip of his subduing tongue
All kind of argument and questions deep,
All replication prompt and reason strong,
For his advantage still did wake and sleep.
To make the weeper laugh, the laugher weep,
He had the dialect and different skill,
Catching all passions in his craft and will.’

…I would love to say to couples something like that

‘So on the tip of my irritated tongue
No need for arguments or questions deep,
Your actions sure may be of feelings strong,
But can’t you do that where the hell you sleep?
To make the single angry, the single weep,
Because he’s annoyed by all your loving skill,
What’s with the privacy, what’s with free will?’

But well – since I do not feel like rhyming I think I may keep it that way. My Not-Lover’s Complaint might revolve around the fact that I am particularly annoyed by those couples that can’t get their act together and save all their kissing and hugging and touching and whatsoever they like to do in metros and cafes and shops and on streets while going very slowly right before my feet until I have to tell them to fucking stop their love exchange and get out of the way. Is it just because I am single and irritated by all the love that is going on around me, because I do not get any of that? Or is it because it purely and truly is annoying for everyone and no one actually starts to make a complaint because they think it is okay ‘if they are so in love’? Fuck ‘so in love’ – I say! If they have so much love then they should save it all up to give to each other while no one is watching – behind their own damn four walls, in their own damned sexually irritated bed where they live their fetishes to their extreme maximum, in their kitchen, on their floor, on their couch table, or wherever they want to but not right in front of my eyes, not in front of my feet, which always walk very fast to get from A to B without anyone stopping them anyhow.

I think it is not quite to much of a demand to ask for a little privacy in public because it is quite inappropriate to kiss in every fucking waiting line at any Starbucks, Supermarket or even in Electronics Stores (what is so romantic about that one?!). I absolutely understand if you sometimes feel the need to get hugged or kissed by your partner at certain points of time (yeah, even out in public) but hey, every single second at every stop you make (and even, when you are not stopping and walking and he sneaks his hand so sweetly into the back pocket of your Burberry jeans?! – Spare me that!) or do you have some inferiority issues you have to sort out?! Well then all the kissing and hugging and touching and whatsoever still doesn’t help you. Trust me. That one you have to sort out all by yourself.




1 Comment»

  Autumn wrote @

You have this one perfect 🙂 and I have to say your writing and sense of humour are just wonderful!! Love this one and it is very, very true. xox

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