When everything in life seems kind of okay to you – why is there still this feeling of emptiness all around you with its ever present frown? No matter what you do, no matter how much you entertain yourself, no matter how many hours a day you work, no matter what kind of company you have – it won’t go away and stay upon you like a miserable shadow. Is it past? Is it things you have seen or done and couldn’t talk about so far? Is it something that still beats you down every time you actually think you are over it and have every trace of this pain left behind?
How to move on while being unhappy? How to move on and what to live for if you constantly feel like failing and falling and losing everything you have, everything you thought you were?
What about life the way it works right now? What about having dreams? And what about fighting for these? What about allowing yourself to cry not forcing yourself every minute of the day to keep your act together, playing the tough one, the untouchable guy with the disability of letting someone in where someone else has left havoc? What about saying out loud that you do not want to be or sleep alone instead of smiling and locking yourself up in your room working and reading and listening to music that awakes every emotional ambivalence you fear? What about you being honest to yourself? Not just incontrovertibly straightforward with everything you think but undeniably honest about what you feel. What about that? What about it? What about trying to say – yes, I am sad sometimes? What about really letting it go and just cry? Why hold inside what everyone does sometimes? Why playing strong when you just want someone to simply hold you because he feels your sorrow, he feels your pain and he feels your need for being hugged? Why not asking someone to please hug you because you feel like falling apart? Why are you falling apart when you always say everything is great and everything is picture perfect? Because it is not. And you know that. But, if you say it out loud you will realize the irrevocably truth. And you can’t live with that.
Instead you will go on – every single day of your life. You will say you feel great. You will say you are happy. You will say everything is alright and everything is swell. You are swell. Aren’t you? You are. Because you are a human being and that is what human beings are supposed to do ever since they come across the common term ‘society’ – play pretend and act as if everything is purely, perfectly and immaculately great. That’s society, that’s what life is about and that is how the game is being played. If you want to play ahead of it – on the top of every motion – you gotta play by the rules. The main rule is just one thing: People will use every tiny bit of flaw they discover against you – by all means.
Protect yourself. Guard yourself. Prepare your weapons. Life is a fight. And you are your only army. Are you willing and ready for it?
P.S. Song of the Day – The Civil Wars: Poison & Wine