Some time ago I believed in love – irrationally, dreamily, vulnerably. I believed that out there was the one person who was able to make you as happy as you possibly can be. I have had this love. Or, I believed I had it. I don’t know. I can’t put it to words… but I will try.
I know that out there is no one I could love as much as I have loved this very special man. He was handsome (still is, as far as I know), polite, had the sense of humor I loved and was in every possible way absolutely right for me. I was happy. Sometimes. Sometimes I was just sad because he wasn’t there. And sometimes because I wasn’t there. It seems, timing was all wrong for the two of us. Or, I was just not the right for him.
Now you may wonder – why past tense? Why am I writing in a time that has passed quicker as I could say ‘Burberry?’ Well, simply because I have realized that sometimes ‘to love is not enough.’ It is not enough to say ‘I love you’ a million times without taking actions, without really showing you that one’s love is able to cross boarders and move mountains.
As time passed by I changed and my belief in love was shattered. This is not supposed to be a story where you all feel sorry for me because I neither want you nor myself to feel sorry for that because we all know that things like that have happened to other people too. So that is what matters. That you are not alone when it comes to things like losing someone you’ve sincerely, dearly and honestly loved.
You should cherish the possibility of having been loved (even if not the way you would have wished it, maybe) or having been able to feel love towards someone, to express it. Because it is only a lost thing if you have never even tried to express what you feel for someone. That is the only waste – Not having experienced love at all.
I may have lost the faith in the existence of love and may have grown to be very cynical and sarcastic about ‘love’ and the way people treat it sometimes but that is only because I have experienced my personal high in loving someone, knowing that there is nothing that can top what was there already. Maybe that is the reason why I do not think about giving it another shot – because, well, simply put, nothing… no one can compare. Nothing and no one ever will. Some feelings are Untouchable. Like a distant star. Like Taylor Swift once sang.
Forgive me, if this might sound all cheesy again but since my cynical self mostly takes the upper hand when it comes to writing it might be a welcoming change to let some emotions come through. It won’t happen that often, trust me. At least for now I have them under control again. Have a fabulous start into the new week. Enjoy your evenings with a glass of wine, like I do. Shiraz. The most brilliant wine of all.