Time went by so quickly and now I find myself almost at the end of February realizing I haven’t written on Mr.StrictlyIntimate in quite some time. A lot of you might wonder why I went M.I.A, other’s might be glad I did because they’ve had enough of myself, just like, well, myself. I simply couldn’t bear the thought of going on and on and on about myself and my inner motivations and problems — that’s why I needed a well deserved break.
Now I am back. Not bigger or better than ever, but most certainly in quite a different position than two months ago. Back then I had a job I hated, a boss who lost his temper every fifteen seconds and friends I managed to finally alienate because they brought me down more than they cheered me up.
In some ways I am back better than ever for I shook myself free of the devil sitting on my back as Florence + the Machine would put it. I successfully finished the first semester of my Master studies heading directly towards seconds semester. I have new exciting projects that I am working on. I am writing more than ever before. And so on and so on. Doesn’t it sound great if I just write it out and try to believe it myself?
Thing is, emotionally I am right where I have been before. The only thing that changed is that I am working differently than before. Emotionally, I am still captivated between denying the existence of love and shutting people out because I simply hate to talk about feelings. Currently I find it rather hard to keep my temper. I constantly have to remind myself to not get too angry with people but I just can’t stand stupidity. It upsets me just as much as the fact that I have sleeping problems like never before. In the last two weeks I had four nights where I did not sleep a single minute at all… all the other nights I tossed and turned in my bed counting VOGUE to fall asleep and when I managed to do so I woke up after a maximum of three hours and couldn’t get back to sleeping again.
I think I should feel exhausted but I don’t. I just look forward to the second semester starting tonight as well as working on my projects. I think, if I keep on working hard and make every minute count one day it might pay off to be the way I am, even though I might be emotionally damaged.