Archive for Women
In the first moment I thought, ‘Well, this must be the reason why people do not want to get hit by a bus…’ At least, I guess it must feel like this. Unexpectedly agonizing; deeply irritating and overwhelmingly weird. And within seconds it’s all gone. All the feelings, all the thoughts, all the deep meanings to something that has been but isn’t there anymore.
It’s been two years now. Plus, minus one week. I can’t remember exactly but I know it was October. The weirdest and most agonizing October I have ever had. I was in a dark place I put myself because I was overly dramatic and overly emotional, which lead me directly to being ridiculously irrationally driven by these emotions of just being dumbed by someone you’ve loved. And today I saw him. In a car right in front of my university building. For the first time since we broke up. He broke up with me. Not we. He.
Here I am now with these two years on my hands and on my Facebook timeline and I became aware of one thing tonight: THIS was crucial for final closure. On my way home from University I have thought a lot about times with W and once I arrived home, entering my own four walls through those double doors I realized – I grew a lot in more ways than I have ever expected of myself. In the first few moments of being at home during the change of my outfit I was thinking about what I was feeling. I couldn’t quite make it out. Was I sad? No. Was I angry? No. Was I grieving? No.
Then there it was. The realization of what I must have been waiting for… for forever. I felt nothing but the satisfaction of the moment of knowing that I really am fine with it. I have moved on and I feel like a better version of myself. Mr.StrictlyIntimate exists for three and a half years now. I have been through so much, emotionally and work relatedly. I have grown to become a skyscraper for the relationship with my ex showed me so many facets of being a human being without the necessity of always having to be perfect but being who you are with everything you are. Every flaw you think you hate but actually, deep within fucking love. Every piece of you that loves life. Every piece of you that burns for something – a passion; as wild as the hottest, sexiest kiss you have ever tasted on your lips. Every piece of a dream you work your ass of for. Every minute of a day you live and breathe and work and love and struggle just because you want to feel alive.
This is it! This is life. And it’s beautiful, immaculate, opulent, fantastic, passionate… it is everything you make it!
If you feel like breaking down because someone recently told you he/she doesn’t love you anymore – so be it! Break down! BUT get your ass back up again because life is A-MAZING! And it begins over and over again. Once you break down, you get back up and try again – harder and better than ever before! Over and over again. Because that is what makes you FEARLESS! That is what makes dreams beautiful: fighting for them with every piece of your heart.
After all, it’s his/her loss, isn’t it?!
Big boys & girls don’t cry. They forget all their pain, keep their chins and heads up high and, go on with living this life like a fucking fighter. No matter what. Sure, there are times in this life where you sometimes face dead-ends or, when you find yourself somewhere without knowing how the hell you got there and even more how the hell you’re going to get out of there. Or, when you try to move on in your industry but you can’t and you feel like being trapped at the same place, same space and same moment – over and over again.
It is times like these when you just have to loosen up and let it all go. Of Everything. All the thoughts, all the negativity, all the cynicism (believe me – with me there is a lot of negativity and cynicism going on and sometimes it seems to be impossible to just letting it go, but it works. Somehow. If you just try.), all the things that are fucking with your head making you the fabulous mess you are. Sure, all those things make you unbelievably special and you feel like you can’t do anything without them – mostly, not going on without them, moving on without them even for the smallest of steps BUT, believe me, sometimes you just have to LET GO.
I have no clue why the hell I am talking about dead ends now for this day actually had a great start with me taking Mr F out on his Birthday Dinner to Fleming’s Deluxe Hotel Wien-City. Their restaurant is not just a very subtle and sophisticated designed place but also has a lot of calm and relaxed charm to it even though being absolutely posh and high-class. My Buffalo Mozzarella with Tomatoes was amazing but the Steak was just phenomenal and tremendously delicious. Mr F ordered the Asparagus with Ham and Prosciutto accompanied by oil and a self-made hollandaise sauce which according to him was purely perfect. And we all know how hard it is to make perfect Asparagus. Well, okay, honestly I really don’t know but I have heard of it or something.
Even though I feel good and look even better and, even though we had an amazingly funny and great time I felt the need of talking about dead ends. I think I have to be plain honest there now – at the moment I feel like slowly coming close to a dead end where I somehow will not be able to decide where to go to go on. I am quite satisfied at the moment: I like my job, I love my friends and I sometimes even have some time to allow myself a little bit of panic shopping at Burberry. But still something bugs me and something feels terribly wrong moving me closer to a position where I might not be able to find my way out as easy as I let out all those witty and sassy comments that make me who I am to all of you.
You know you love me, allow yourself to finally admit it even though you might be thinking I am a little bit weird. So what. I bet you are as weird as I am, which, by the way might be the exact reason you like reading this blog. You can relate to me AND isn’t there anything better than that? Knowing that somewhere out there – maybe even in a far, far away country there is someone who thinks and acts and talks just the way you do? I find it kind of soothing to know I am not the only guy with a spleen out there.
Sometimes, this thought takes away the feeling of being alone on this goddamn planet. Sometimes it is good to know that you are not alone even though you might be the only one in a room but NO, out there – very close to you or, very far away – are people who feel the exact same thing at the exact same moment. Isn’t that fucking scary and great at the same time?
P.S. Yesterday, shortly before going to bed I heard a song on YouTube – a cover of Fergie’s big smash hit ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’ (you know the song with a very hunky Milo Ventimiglia playing the male lead in the video) – sung by the Glee Cast and somehow (as very often before) I can’t get it out of my head and it haunts me (in a good way, of course) ever since I got up in the morning to find myself watching two of my most favorite episodes of Sex and the City – ‘I love a Charade (S05E08)’ and, ‘The Post-It Always Sticks Twice (S06E07).’For me, another big hit by the Glee Posse who from the very first episode on sneaked their way into my heart, mind, body and soul and never got out of there. Not for one single moment – not for one single song that I did not like as much as a lot of others.
I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, born this way
[Lady GaGa – Born This Way; Album: Born This Way (Deluxe Edition)]
It was finally announced and I just can’t wait! Today I purchased my VIP Ticket to Lady Gaga’s Vienna Concert of ‘The Born This Way Ball Tour’ 2012 on August 18th. I am ready, I am set, I am on the right track – I was born to be there and there goes another big wish on my bucket list – seeing Lady Gaga perform her fantastic, motivating and inspiring songs live.
The VIP Package includes:
Early entrance to the VIP area
After show Party in the VIP area
Separate VIP coat rack for free
Lady Gaga Give Away
Entrance to the VIP area
Beer, Wine, non alcoholic drinks
A local DJ performing after the show
If there is one thing that makes me happy it is seeing Lady Gaga giving her all for the sake of music and the sake of fashion – both domains I am wholeheartedly dedicated to! I am going to marry the night on this wonderfully special day of August and I am already counting the days on my calendar wondering if I can make the time go by faster. Though, I wouldn’t do it – losing days means losing time for picking an outfit and for making myself become my even more fabulous self.
Do you guys already have your tickets? If not – hurry up, hurry up and imagine yourself dancing, shaking and singing to the fabulously glorious beats of Lady Gaga.
P.S. I am already on my 15th day of my 28 Day Sugar Cleansing and I feel great. About an hour ago I was running to the tracks of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Album (yeah, I dedicated the whole day to her since purchasing the tickets had something very religiously glorious for me) in the heaviest of rains we had this year in Vienna and I just felt one thing – great!
Great, because I am alive and aware of it.
Great, because I can cherish beautiful and sad moments and be inspired by them.
Great, because I feel like I am on a good way – in every possible sense.
Great, because I am born this way. This way I am and I celebrate it!
‘Then I had a thought… Maybe I didn’t break him [Big], maybe the problem was he couldn’t break me. Maybe some women/men aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.’
[Carrie Bradshaw – Sex and the City; Season 2; Episode 18: Ex and the City]
And there, sitting on my chaise longue, being on my 8th day of my 28 Days of Sugar Cleansing, watching numerous episodes of Carrie struggling with love and life and money problems while after episode 18 of season 2 it hits me and I have a thought. Maybe she is right – Carrie Bradshaw. Maybe some people (like me or, maybe even you?!) shouldn’t really try to be in a relationship with people who either can’t handle them, can’t seem to try or, who give up because it turns out to be too complicated and settle for something; someone more steady, simpler, less complicated.
Maybe there is someone out there who suddenly appears who will not stop to tame me (or you) but who will make an effort to keep up, because he wants to. Because he wants to run with me (or you). Because he is as wild and untamable as me (or you). Or, maybe one day we stand in front of each other after running and running and running together, deciding that it is finally time to calm down – not taming but soothing each other. Maybe one day the running is over and you can lean back to relax in the arms of someone who was there by your side – all along the wild way.
P.S.: Best Song of the Episode:
Barbra Streisand – The Way We Were
[Album: The Way We Were]
Given the circumstances of people around me recently getting disappointed or their heart broken by significant other’s I thought it might be time to cheer them up and show them not just my affection but that I am ALWAYS (in capital letters!) there for them whenever they need me. And, another thing that might help is the knowledge of the existence of people everywhere getting their heart broken almost any minute but most of them get back up, hold their heads up high and their hearts wide open to put themselves out there in order to one day find someone who knows they are worth fighting for. (And worth being the only one to date or fuck or touch at all.)
“…it’s alright, OK – I’m so much better without you! I won’t feel sorry.”
Ashley Tisdale – It’s Alright, It’s OK
[Album: Guilty Pleasure]
“…What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller. Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone.”
Kelly Clarkson – Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)
“…Trying to apologize, you’re so ugly when you cry. Please, just cut it out.”
Rihanna – Take a Bow
[Album: Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded]
“…Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.”
Adele – Someone Like You
“…I will love again. Though my heart is breaking I will love again. Stronger than before.”
Lara Fabian – I Will Love Again
[Album: Lara Fabian]
“…I’m a survivor (What?). I’m not goin’ give up (What?). I’m not goin’ stop (What?). I’m goin’ work harder (What?).”
Destiny’s Child – Survivor
“…nothing’s fine I’m torn! I’m all out of faith. This is how I feel.”
Natalie Imbruglia – Torn
[Album: Left Off the Middle]
In the end… all that a heartbreak mostly results in is pain and tears and emotional wasteland. But, with these songs, with a little help of your friends, with a lot of screaming and allowing yourself being angry and hurt you will be the one who stands up tall and eased and self-confident because you know you are stronger by going through the hard times. By working it out. By making yourself realize that if someone breaks up with you – he/she does not deserve it and isn’t worth the tears.
P.S.: Those who I call my friends know one things – no matter what time it is, no matter how far away I am – I am ALWAYS (again, with the capital letters) there for you.
This is an amazing day. A short day at the office. The sun shining as bright as never before this winter season and I finally feel like spring is softly knocking on my shoulder telling me to dress up in spring collections. TGIS – Thank God it’s Springtime! And I feel so damn good today!
I even am inspired to push myself getting back to working a bit on fashion again – and thanks to whom? The one and only Vera Wang. To me there is hardly anyone as inspiring as Vera is. Her bridal couture personifies the romantic dreams of giving love and being loved as well as looking forward to a day where a woman puts on the most beautiful gown of her life and a man wearing the most perfectly fitted suit he ever had in order to meet one another at a most special point of life. The aisle. Where a woman is supposed to marry the man she loves and where both man and woman should be allowed to marry whomever they want – in the eyes of a God they believe in, of a church that accepts them the way they are, with all the choices they are making.
(Design by Vera Wang. Photography by Carter Smith. Models: Shu Pei and Tian Yi.)
Every now and then, when I watch people interacting or talking to one another I see one thing. Even in today’s society – where computers develop faster than the human race possible could; where human beings overcome their own frontiers and borders in order to develop bigger things than ever before, we are stuck in pretending to accept one another while talking behind their backs, acting against the actual human right of being free and happy and allowed to love whoever you want as well as being allowed to be loved. Openly. Without feeling the necessity of hiding in a closet where all the loneliness comes together and might mess up ones heart and thoughts and soul until the point where there is no return. And then once this point comes everyone acts surprised and shocked and sad even though they are well aware of the fact that they could have prevented it by accepting, tolerating and above all accepting someone for being who they are/were.
Between you and me – I am not the one to point his finger on someone’s flaw since I for myself often judge by not being tolerant enough to accept every person that crosses my way the way they are. I wish I could. Like my sister. Or like my wonderful friend Brigitte. But unfortunately I still have to work a lot on that subject though my judgment is less on the sex, gender or race but more on the fact that some people just don’t give a damn how they look or present themselves to and in society and the people around them. It is a thing I just can’t understand. But as I said, I promise to work on it. On myself. Developing my character further. Embracing other people’s flaws as well as my own and accepting different opportunities not just on a fashion matter but on general terms too.
So – why not for once trying to think about a world where all the people have the same rights? Where all the people have a home and right to love. Whomever they choose. Whomever they want.
“Life’s too short to even care at all…”