Mr.StrictlyIntimate

the Life, the Love and the Sex of Vienna.

Archive for faith

Why I Have Given Up On Christmas


Isn’t it fair to let them know what we think about them instead of leading them on? (Mr.StrictlyIntimate)

On Monday I started counting down the days. Since waking up this morning I find myself constantly counting down the hours until my plane leaves for London early Saturday morning. I am not just fleeing from my mother tongue but also my mother — to be honest, from my whole family.
I am NOT the type of guy who enjoys being with his ‘loved’ ones on such occasions, after all, I am not even someone who likes to celebrate any festivity except for one — my own birthday last year. But that only because I was turning 25 — which equals a quarter of a century and therefore, marked a very special moment in my life and I felt the desperate need to celebrate myself. This turning point defined the moment where I was finally able to look into a mirror and see myself as the person I am with all my positive but also negative sides. And I embrace each and every one of them. Therefore, a big fat Burberry Birthday bash.

Back to the main topic — Saturday morning I’ll be off to not celebrating every single year’s most hyped and most overrated festivity of all – Christmas. I will be in London, toasting to myself and all I have achieved in my life but also to all the things that still are ahead of me. I will toast to my colleague J who will accompany me on my trip to not celebrating Christmas.

London Tower Bridge

At Night I Dream of London…

Burberry Regent Street London

… and in MY London, there is my ultimate Burberry Dream becoming Reality. Visiting the new Burberry Store in Regent Street.

You may remember that once I actually tried to be all about the family or all about building up one myself with my ex-boyfriend exactly two years ago. Well, but just as “love” comes and goes, he decided to go and I was the one who was left behind, the broken-hearted, the one that was hurt and miserable during Christmas time. That acually was the moment where I have decided to never fall in love again — to never feel the need to celebrate Christmas with a family I never had and never will have — to build myself a relationship that will never work out the way I would want it to. Christmas, to me, is dead and will always be off topic. On a permanent level.
These heavy negative feelings towards that “special” time of the years don’t just resonate from the break up with my ex-boyfriend but also from the one with the ex before and also from my family history. That part maybe the most. I am not a family’s person because I really don’t like most members of my family. I don’t really know how “family” actually really feels because I never had those people who you could trust and rely on. I was always relying on just myself. Frankly spoken, I don’t care for calling them and neither do they care for calling me. (Of course, I shall mention that I have sister who is from utmost importance to me.) And, the part that might be very weird for you is, that I like it that way and am fine with it and I am not missing any of those family actions other people have to go through. Feels pretty fake to me, even though to them it might be real. Somewhere there is always a crack or a scar trying to hide from the eyes of an outsider. But we always know it’s there. Always.

Sometimes I feel like most people aren’t just worth being given the chance to enter your life — they don’t deserve it because they mostly just want to take advantage of you, or steal your shadow, or the power you try to build up yourself, or simply disappoint you in the end by not being honest. Honesty and loyalty is what I expect from people who want to be called friends. That is what people will always get from me — no matter what — honesty, sincerity, authenticity, loyalty. Once I call someone a friend, he or she can have my all, but lately I have come to the conclusion that most of the people I meet throughout my journey of growing up just aren’t worth it, as much as I might not be worth their energy or their time or their whatever it is that seems important to them. People come and go, and so do friendships — that’s the greatest thing about growing up, you get to meet so many brilliant people who can, if you let them, enrich your life and help you to grow on so many different levels. I want to stop labeling the relationships between people as being colleagues, or friends, or foes, or family, or frenemies, or love interests, or relationships, or sex buddies, or friends with benefits, or whatever we call those people we keep close to us and also on a certain distance.

I feel the need of making it clear to people that trust is something that can only be found in oneself. I trust myself, therefore, I will not put my faith or trust into others if I already know beforehand that they will disappoint me anyway. If I disappoint myself, it is my own fault and then it’s fine with me because I know next time I will make a change and make it better. Trusting others, just appears to be a waste of time to me. As much as it is a waste of time to be angry with people. And I am angry with rude behavior or massive flaws in manners constantly and I always have to remind myself not to be angry, not to care so much. Sometimes I just do.

The people I like will know that I like them because I am straight forward and say what I want to say. I am not a guy of many emotions, well I was, but not anymore. I have come to terms with telling people straight away to back the fuck off, or to stop annoying me, or to just move away or to stay and come closer. Or whatever it is I want from someone at a particular moment.
Truth, honest and straight forwardness can enrich all our lives and I think that with these attributes human relationships could move into a new direction of independence and sincerity. If people would just be straight faced to one another there might never be any problems between humans because we could learn to face the truth. Which is: Not everyone can like us AND we can’t like anybody. Isn’t it fair to let them know what we think about them instead of leading them on?

Think about that — wouldn’t we avoid to spend our times trying to not hurt other people’s feelings if we could just tell them we do not like them and do not want to have any kind of contact with them, right away? Wouldn’t that save us a hell of a lot of time as much as a huge load of energy we could probably use for better purposes?

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

those who i truly love


I know that I have been quite lazy with writing and posting and kiss’n’telling, but to be honest right now my life seems to be all about university and my bachelor degree – which means no private time, no time for love and even. No time for my best friends, whom I haven’t seen quite a very long time now [about two maybe three months]. It is indeed very exhausting, but it is my life. It’s all about sacrificing those things that are the most important to you in order to become who and what you want to be one day.

We all know that friends are important and that they keep you alive or down to earth, but those who are real friends give you time to develop, work and fulfill your dreams without pushing and pulling – even though they haven’t seen you in months.

So this one goes out to my real friends, those who understand my priorities, those who take me damn seriously no matter what others say or believe and those who are there, just there to be a mental support. I belong to you no matter what comes up. I love you…honestly and truthfully.

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

Watch me Shine


I sit here on my big bed, with my laptop and hundrets of handwritten pages with notes on my bachelor assignment and another hundred books with notes and important quotations and information about the british military uniform and its development throughout the centuries. And even though I feel weak and kind of sick and stressed out I still feel my inner motivation talking to me and telling me to stick with it, through it and to fight for my goal to get ma bachelor’s degree in june, though every one around me tells me that this is almost impossible. Well, I believe in it, because I believe in myself and all my strength and skills. No matter what, I can do this and there is a song, that gives me a lot of strength in times when I feel weak and losing my motivation:

Joanna Pacitti – Watch me Shine

Ooh.. I’m not
You average type Of girl
I’m gonna show the world the strength in me
That sometimes they can’t see
I’m about to switch my style
And soon things may get wild
But I will prove I can conquer anything
So from my head to toe I’m taking full control
I’ll make it on my own
This time

(Better watch me shine)

CHORUS:
Better watch out
Going for the knockout
And I won’t stop
Till I’m on top now
Not gonna give up
Until I get what’s mine
Better check that I’m about to upset
And I’m hot now
So you better step back
I’m taking over
So watch me shine

So Get ready
Here I come
Until the job is done
No time to waste
There’s nothing stopping me
Oh
But you don’t hear me though
So now it’s time to show
I’ll prove I’m gonna be the best I can be
So from my head to toe
My mind body and soul
I’m taking full control
This time

CHORUS:
Better watch out
Going for the knockout
And I won’t stop
Till I’m on top now
Not gonna give up
Until I get what’s mine
Better check that I’m about to upset
And I’m hot now
So you better step back
I’m taking over
So watch me shine

BRIDGE:
Bet you don’t think I can take it
But my mind and body are strong
Bet you don’t think I can make it
It won’t take long
Bet you don’t think I can take it
But my mind and body are strong
Bet you don’t think I can make it
It won’t take long
Now watch me shine…

CHORUS:
Better watch out
Going for the knockout
And I won’t stop
Till I’m on top now
Not gonna give up
Until I get what’s mine
Better check that I’m about to upset
And I’m hot now
So you better step back
I’m taking over
So watch me shine
Now watch me shine…

CHORUS:
Better watch out
Going for the knockout
And I won’t stop
Till I’m on top now
Not gonna give up
Until I get what’s mine
(Until I get what’s mine…)
Better check that I’m about to upset
And I’m hot now
So you better step back
I’m taking over
So watch me shine
Watch me…
Watch me shine…
Watch me

Whenever you doubt in your own abilities, skills and strengthness just have a little more faith in yourself and listen to this song – shake your doubts away and smile – so everyone can watch you shine!

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

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