Archive for friendship
Isn’t it fair to let them know what we think about them instead of leading them on? (Mr.StrictlyIntimate)
On Monday I started counting down the days. Since waking up this morning I find myself constantly counting down the hours until my plane leaves for London early Saturday morning. I am not just fleeing from my mother tongue but also my mother — to be honest, from my whole family.
I am NOT the type of guy who enjoys being with his ‘loved’ ones on such occasions, after all, I am not even someone who likes to celebrate any festivity except for one — my own birthday last year. But that only because I was turning 25 — which equals a quarter of a century and therefore, marked a very special moment in my life and I felt the desperate need to celebrate myself. This turning point defined the moment where I was finally able to look into a mirror and see myself as the person I am with all my positive but also negative sides. And I embrace each and every one of them. Therefore, a big fat Burberry Birthday bash.
Back to the main topic — Saturday morning I’ll be off to not celebrating every single year’s most hyped and most overrated festivity of all – Christmas. I will be in London, toasting to myself and all I have achieved in my life but also to all the things that still are ahead of me. I will toast to my colleague J who will accompany me on my trip to not celebrating Christmas.
You may remember that once I actually tried to be all about the family or all about building up one myself with my ex-boyfriend exactly two years ago. Well, but just as “love” comes and goes, he decided to go and I was the one who was left behind, the broken-hearted, the one that was hurt and miserable during Christmas time. That acually was the moment where I have decided to never fall in love again — to never feel the need to celebrate Christmas with a family I never had and never will have — to build myself a relationship that will never work out the way I would want it to. Christmas, to me, is dead and will always be off topic. On a permanent level.
These heavy negative feelings towards that “special” time of the years don’t just resonate from the break up with my ex-boyfriend but also from the one with the ex before and also from my family history. That part maybe the most. I am not a family’s person because I really don’t like most members of my family. I don’t really know how “family” actually really feels because I never had those people who you could trust and rely on. I was always relying on just myself. Frankly spoken, I don’t care for calling them and neither do they care for calling me. (Of course, I shall mention that I have sister who is from utmost importance to me.) And, the part that might be very weird for you is, that I like it that way and am fine with it and I am not missing any of those family actions other people have to go through. Feels pretty fake to me, even though to them it might be real. Somewhere there is always a crack or a scar trying to hide from the eyes of an outsider. But we always know it’s there. Always.
Sometimes I feel like most people aren’t just worth being given the chance to enter your life — they don’t deserve it because they mostly just want to take advantage of you, or steal your shadow, or the power you try to build up yourself, or simply disappoint you in the end by not being honest. Honesty and loyalty is what I expect from people who want to be called friends. That is what people will always get from me — no matter what — honesty, sincerity, authenticity, loyalty. Once I call someone a friend, he or she can have my all, but lately I have come to the conclusion that most of the people I meet throughout my journey of growing up just aren’t worth it, as much as I might not be worth their energy or their time or their whatever it is that seems important to them. People come and go, and so do friendships — that’s the greatest thing about growing up, you get to meet so many brilliant people who can, if you let them, enrich your life and help you to grow on so many different levels. I want to stop labeling the relationships between people as being colleagues, or friends, or foes, or family, or frenemies, or love interests, or relationships, or sex buddies, or friends with benefits, or whatever we call those people we keep close to us and also on a certain distance.
I feel the need of making it clear to people that trust is something that can only be found in oneself. I trust myself, therefore, I will not put my faith or trust into others if I already know beforehand that they will disappoint me anyway. If I disappoint myself, it is my own fault and then it’s fine with me because I know next time I will make a change and make it better. Trusting others, just appears to be a waste of time to me. As much as it is a waste of time to be angry with people. And I am angry with rude behavior or massive flaws in manners constantly and I always have to remind myself not to be angry, not to care so much. Sometimes I just do.
The people I like will know that I like them because I am straight forward and say what I want to say. I am not a guy of many emotions, well I was, but not anymore. I have come to terms with telling people straight away to back the fuck off, or to stop annoying me, or to just move away or to stay and come closer. Or whatever it is I want from someone at a particular moment.
Truth, honest and straight forwardness can enrich all our lives and I think that with these attributes human relationships could move into a new direction of independence and sincerity. If people would just be straight faced to one another there might never be any problems between humans because we could learn to face the truth. Which is: Not everyone can like us AND we can’t like anybody. Isn’t it fair to let them know what we think about them instead of leading them on?
Think about that — wouldn’t we avoid to spend our times trying to not hurt other people’s feelings if we could just tell them we do not like them and do not want to have any kind of contact with them, right away? Wouldn’t that save us a hell of a lot of time as much as a huge load of energy we could probably use for better purposes?
It’s Monday – the first day of a new week and the new chance of starting all over again. And since Sunday also marked the start of a new month I’d say we have a lot of chances to start something new and to finish with old stuff. Stuff we dragged behind us; stuff we know we should have finished ages ago and stuff we tried to keep off or minds but that kept appearing over and over again.
Right now my best friend K is sitting right beside me. She lives with me until Wednesday because that will be the day when she leaves Vienna to go back to her home country. For her, it is time to start a new chapter and so there will be three new chapters in both our lives – a new chapter for her, a new chapter for myself and a new chapter we share full of adventures we live through together even though we will live miles and miles apart from now on.
But I won’t be too sad about it or dramatic or heartbroken or will say good-bye for one time because we will see each other again as often as possible and our friendship will remain as intense and important as it has been before. Boarders should never stop people to be friends.
So – for us there will never be a final sentence, or a final page, or a final chapter. For us, there will always be a new day to meet life with an open mind and an adventurous attitude.
In life people come and people go…some people arrive and leave without a big bash or any actual recognition while some others arrive and disappear with leaving traces upon you – traces of love, traces of sadness, traces of beautiful memories. And sometimes there are people in your life that appear all of a sudden and leave…but only leave in certain areas and environments but stay within the borders of your life because there are traces left, that developed throughout working together…traces that simply could be defined as a word as meaningful as love, hate, war and peace – FRIENDSHIP.
Therefore, I want to dedicate this special article to a guy called S whom recently left C, M and Me in an area that we would limit to call working space but gave us something brilliant in what comes to me as a term called friendship. I have never met someone as honest and straight forward as S. He did not lie because when he opened his mouth to speak you could have sworn that he just said what was on his mind and therefore I do not simply want to thank him for always being honest and sincere no matter what but also say thank you for giving the three of us the brilliant and remarkable opportunity to become acquainted with you and to maybe keep you as long as a lifetime as a dear and important friend.
Even though we might be hurt right now (all three of us and here I am in thought with u my dear M and C!) times get better – when the going gets rough make yourself aware that life gets better and everything happens for a reason. Everybody hurts sometimes – sometimes a little too much but well it gets better. I promise.
I won’t say goodbye because we will see each other again – this I know for sure. But still I will miss talking about anything without ever crossing any boarders, jokes about You-Know-Who, the dark humor we shared, sex-talk without blushing for shame, the sharp comments that come out of a sudden when least expecting it (like ‘if you drape something does that make you a draper or D-Raper?’ – ‘you are more like a musical-drama but he is like a soccer-hooligan-drama’ and classic but still catchy ‘I’ll break ur face’) and the way you dress and me making funny comments about it. We had a blast – the four of us! But you know…love mostly has an expiration date – true friendship will always be at a constant rate.
You are a genius Mr. S!
What a week!
Spotted: G’s son turning crazy and into a criminal (unless having the Austrian Vega uninvitedly standing in your living room is like having family dinner). N missing for the tenth time and still being searched by the police. S waking up in a stranger’s bed after having the night of his life with king-size-man (‘It really was like ordering a king size menue @ Burger King’. quotation stop.) And R preparing a major takedown for his own cousin and for his own good – family’s got to stick together…don’t they? Well not when it comes to honour – you’re so done N. Promise.
After an eventful week full of happenings and calamities and more than one reason to hire a killer some boys and girls of Austria’s elite won’t be the same when february has arrived.
I am just on my way home from having a beautiful suhsi dinner with my wonderful KK…talking about boys, boys who want to be man, sex and the one or another family crises is what actually makes me believe and see that no matter what – the two of us will always be so strangely similar that watching the other one talk is like looking into a mirror. Same problems…same character but yet a different style of fashion or attitude towards life – what is actually the speciality factor of this relationship/friendship.
On the way home I have decided to make a stop at my beloved K’s in order to be there for her when she actually needs me the most…which obviously is right now. So the night is hers and you will have to wait for the bigger news. Sorry guys but my friends are my family.
Just a few words for the end of this post: N if u go on like this trying to ruin your family you better watch your back because I never sleep and to me honesty and loyalty for the family are tradition and if you ruin your family I am going to make your life a living hell!
I sit here watching the Sex and the City movie with two friends of mine and I come across the thought of thinking about love – again. Just like I always do, when I watch Carrie Bradshaw living her fashionable life. At the moment love is something absorbs my mind all the time – actually 24/7. I wake up and think about love, I lie awake in bed and think about love, but the most important question is, why the hell does love influence our minds that much? Why does it capture our feelings in a core of numbness and addiction? And why does love seem to erase all the other sides of life, when we finally seem to find it?
After a long time of loving, being in love and being love [at least that was what he told me] it seems to me that life doesn’t seem to think of me as someone in love instead of someone working for his dreams and forgetting about all the possibly upcoming feelings that could be connected with a thing called love – or emotional ambivalence.
‘And as the last leaves in fall fell from the trees…’ I am still sitting in front of my notebook typing those lines to write a new blog entry, but do you know what? I can’t bother myself to feel unhappy or unsatisfied. I know that there is more than to just be in love and think about one guy only, because there are things that are more important to think about – and it isn’t all just love and roses AND lip gloss [though lip gloss is quite delicious sometimes]. It is the three F’s that make a life seem important.
Friends, family and foes…! Friends to support you and be there for you, every time you need them. Family to make you feel sheltered and safe – secure. Foes to show you that there is something to fight for, to fight about. It is those three F-words. It is love to all you know – to all who are there for you – all who you can show your affection, and love by being there for them.
Right at the moment we are at the scene where the song ‘Auld lang syne’ starts and I almost have tears in my eyes because in my life it is just the same – friends are always there. If something is wrong I would drive/travel/fly/run through every country to be there for my friends and I know it is the same for them as it is for me. The strongest love of all is the love of a friend. It is the love that conquers everything and though sometimes you do not realize it – it is them who you live for!
P.S.: I just wait until the Grammy’s start to talk/write about the dresses and spread the best gossip that I could possibly do – so stay tuned and love it – as I do love you!