Mr.StrictlyIntimate

the Life, the Love and the Sex of Vienna.

Archive for Jane Austen

The “ME” in the Stories I Tell


First of all, I don’t take myself that seriously. I take what I do seriously, and I try to do a good job. (Denzel Washington in GQ US Oct 2012)

At University I feel like being at a point of struggling lately. I don’t have a problem with my grades or my motivation or with the environment. I am actually quite comfortable there, though, there are a few things that really bug me, but hey, you can find things that bug you or make you mad or angry always somewhere, somehow. So, that’s no big deal for me.

As you already know from some earlier entries, I am getting my master’s degree in Journalism and New Media — if you haven’t known so far, you know now. These studies involve a lot of writing, heavy writing. Sometimes these written exposés try to take me out of my comfort zone and I’m going there, out of it. But early on, when signing the contract with the university, I kind of made a pact with myself. I swore to everything that’s worth the world to me, you know, Burberry; VOGUE; Jane Austen; that, no matter what I was about to say or write or do, it would always be consisting of three things: HONESTY, STYLE and AUTHENTICITY.

With everything I write and have people read I want them to not just get to know me and my point of view, I want to present them the perspective of someone finally having an opinion and putting it out there. Even if they do not agree with what I have to say or like the way I say things but at least, it makes them think about my words and actions and opinions and maybe even gets them to form their own opinions — either on me or the topics I write about. I don’t want people to always agree with me, I think most people don’t get that I live for making them speechless; wondering if I’m really being serious. I love to make people laugh or cry reading my words. I love people to be confused by my words; to later on think about what I said once. I want them to form an opinion about my words — either good or bad.

But, what I want the utmost is for them to always find ME in the words I write, the stories I tell!

That’s not because I think I am the most brilliant person in the world, or the most talented, or the most articulate, or the one everyone has to listen to. I know, compared to a lot of other more influential people I might am not influential at all but still — who I am reflects who I want to be. And one day I want to make a change. I want to show people that they can achieve anything they want if they truly stay themselves and go ahead with it. Pull it off relentlessly.

I just want people to know that they can rely on me having an opinion; having a character that I can put out there, a character that doesn’t give a fuck about the things other people say just because they do not like the fact that I’m straight forward and relentlessly sincere. That is the authenticity in my words. I know, I may put a lot of fashion words in writing because I love the visual language and emotional depth of clothing. I want to be a character, people trust because they know one hundred percent that I am honest with them, and straight forward, and that everything I say and write and do is authentically constituting myself. Giving them a part of something they might be able to relate to.

This is who I am and I can’t understand why people always try to force you to be more like the others or more formal or writing based on guidelines. I write what I think and feel and would say in every second I live and breathe, for everything I always wanted to do.

Don’t get me wrong — I do abide by a certain set of rules when it comes to writing, like grammar or spelling. But what I want people to understand and accept and respect and tolerate is the fact that out there one must be himself and unique in order to survive this crazy mixed up world. That is what I am — that is what I believe in — that is what makes me truly special and different. I know who I am and I always make sure people understand that no matter what I say and write and do — it’s done by myself. With outspoken HONESTY, sharp STYLE and one hundred percent AUTHENTICITY. All three in capital letters.

Take it, or leave it.
Amen Fashion.

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

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Being a single guy in Vienna…


…or being a single gay guy in Vienna. Apparently it seems to be important to pinpoint on the difference between a straight guy and a gay guy, even though I really tried to put my faith into believing that not being into women was the only thing that made me obviously different to other guys around me.

Funny fact – people believe a gay guy has to have a fashion gene. At least, that is what some women believe when they say things like “oh, I have always wanted to have a gay best friend, so we can go shopping and bash about boys and…”

Yeah, right… because that is how a friendship is supposed to work. You hunt for a gant toy guy on the street and once you’ve captured him you never let him go and bring him to parties, to your local Burberry store or your single girl’s night as a plus one because it is oh so groundbreaking. But, that is actually not the point of this article, though there is a point. I do NOT wa be treated or considered a girl! I am a guy. Yes, a gay guy. But a guy nonetheless. And as such I want to be treated.

Back to topic. The gay guy in Vienna. Or as I call it the single gay guy in Vienna. Or as this article should actually be called – how to put yourself out there if out there seems to be nothing worth putting yourself into?!

Gay Love versus Straight Love - Isn't It the Same?

Alexandra Potter writes in her novel ‘Me and Mr Darcy,’ “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single (I have to switch the original girl with its male equivalent here) guy in possession of his (again switched from ‘her’) right mind must be in want of a decent man. There’s just one problem … […] where on earth do you find a decent man these days?”

The first minute I read those lines I laugh. The immediate second after I laughed I frustratedly close the book, put on a very concerned look and against all my beliefs of former days have to admit… “damn it, that woman has a point there. Fuck.” Because, when it comes to gay guys at least (and I pinpoint on those because you know – a gay guy should always go for another gay guy or because falling head over heels with a straight guy can either lead to misery or to a broken heart. Or both. And in some times, well, that is what I have heard from friends, it leads to having unattached sex because the other party wanted to “experiment.” Yeah, right. Uhm hum. Experiment it is.) there are no available men on the market for someone who doesn’t want to have a first date and then the sex but wants to have a first date, and a second one, and a third one before we cross bases that I maybe do not want to cross if a guy doesn’t even open a book once in a while. And yes, against all the people around me thinking I am crazy for this but I simply can’t date a guy who doesn’t read. I am sorry, but reading is like breathing to me. And it should at least be considered as some kind of self teaching method to gain knowledge; strength, sometimes; wise words, very often; funny or witty quotes even more often and above all material to talk about with someone else.

You see, yes, I am a bit frustrated sometimes when I think about how it should be and then being thrown back into real life having to face the fact that it isn’t what it should be. It is worse. It is fucked up a bit too. Okay, a load more than a bit but hey, who the hell decided that in 2011 / 2012 most of the gay guys really have to fulfill the cliche of only wanting flings and unattached sex? Is there anywhere a guy that cares about manners and romantic dates and good conversations over wine (or water or coffee or whatever)? I don’t care about a guy being the most romantic guy in the world and I definitely do not want someone to read poem to me, for that matter I can read some good old Shakespeare, but I to the least finally want meet a guy that has the decency to ask me out on a real date before asking me how big my dick is and which position I prefer. Is that too much too ask? You tell me.

xoxo

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

P.S.: I am sorry that it took me so long to write again and that my first few lines are more words of frustration but I seem to be back somehow. In a new way though for I have reflected my past, rearranged myself and changed a bit of my old me in order to be a bigger, better and bolder 2012 version of Mr.StrictlyIntimate. Hope you forgive me. xoxo

the Love Issue: Thoughts on Something I Will Never Be Able to Understand


Again: Love never fails. Does it? Mhmm...

One of the many myths of life besides the sense of our being, the existence of extraterrestrial life or the way in which the universe makes us find and lose stuff so ridiculously fast is for sure one thing that can be reduced to the simplicity of one single word while still harboring all the complexities of the unknown lifetime of our dimension… LOVE.
(I will promise this time I am trying not to be so negative here but approaching the many views of people around me – those who love, those who have loved, those who have lost love and of course those who will never give up facing every fight for love.)

Love by definition of so often used Wikipedia ‘is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment’. (Trying to keep my authenticity I have to say that I always like to talk about myself as being someone who is always emotional dettached to the possible maximum of a human’s ability to deny what is going on inside him. Let us be clear here… I have feelings too. I am just facing a lot of struggle and problems admitting this or saying so out loud.)
Nonetheless, love is something (whether we believe in it or we do not) that appears to everyone in another light and, apart from the quite impartial Wikipedia definition it truly is defined by actually being of absolute sentimental / subjective matter — influenced by our environment, our knowledge, our parenting and of course our experience with this fragile but ever present term… LOVE.

It is so simple to say the word out love but once it becomes acquainted with deep pain, memories, loss and states of life we can’t achieve this simple word / term turns into something that can haunt one soul for a lifetime. And though a lot of us have suffered or almost drowned in this silver pool full of emotions they never give up on it because they believe that out there someone special exists, someone who knows how to treat the vulnerable heart of a lover, the fair heart of a friend and the open heart of someone who failed with love.

B.

Wonderful easy going B is one of my closest friends and therefore I know everything about her life because I live right at the pulse of it. Right away, B deserves only the very best for I have need met such an altruistic character caring more about anyone else before she even dares to think about herself. Well, once being in love… tremendously, magically, head over heels, land over water, with all her heart, with all her mind… the guy left for studying in Oslo and ever since she hasn’t been the same when they broke up in Oslo. (I think she still has feelings for him actually.) B stopped to believe in love and maintained relationships on settling for something that feels good and nice and is a lot of fun. That is good for things in life should make you happy and smile and should be fun every single day. But it stopped and I faced myself right beside her at the danube hearing her words… ‘I think I have to believe in love again. After all the failure with guys there has to be something like love. This can’t be just it.’ Maybe she has a point here. Maybe she hasn’t. Maybe she became romantic again and I think, ‘Hm… if there is such a thing as love, she is the one who deserves to feel it.’

M.

We don’t know each other very long now but he has been in love and he thinks he still is. He is sad about losing ‘the love of his life’ as he likes to call this special guy whose name is written on his heart. We sat at the danube drinking beer when I wonder if he really believes in the one and well, he says he does and he says that this guy is the only one that has the ability to make him happy. Tough call for all the other guys that may be beginning to like him. He believes in the one. In love including the happily ever after. He believes in marrying the one and having children and a house with this special person. He really does and I sit there uncomfortably thinking… ‘Where did I loose all this belief? Haven’t I talked the same way one year ago?’ And he says, ‘He is the one. I love him and I suffer right now for I cannot have him.’ It is true. He obviously is sad about the end of this relationship and I think, ‘Maybe there is another ONE…’ and I say, ‘…but what if people are only in our life to mark it in a way? Inspire it, help us developing our character further, giving us a new view in life – a different ankle. What if people are simply made to be there for a limited period of time until we are ready to be set free or to set them free to mark someone else’s life – enriching it in all the possible ways?’ I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t think so. I see he still believes. This guy is the one for him. And I can’t change his mind by simply trying to be realistic here. And my thoughts fade…

While writing I have a lot of quotes and songs and books on mind that somehow influence me right here…

Taylor Swift… Ours (Album: Speak Now – Deluxe Edition)
‘…and don’t you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard…’
It does. I think it really does. All the ups and downs we face every single day. All our tiny problems that sometimes appear so huge and then all this huge problems that sometimes appear so humongous. Everything around us has a huge impact on us. It makes love look hard with so many things standing in our way… life, because it isn’t the only thing we have to care about. You know that.

William Shakespeare… Romeo and Juliet (of course I pick this love story. Two reasons for that – firstly, I am currently reading the tragic love story of Romeo and Juliet and secondly, it is the one true love story that survives centuries and that even makes a neurotic, cynic kind of guy like me sentimental.)
‘Alas that love, whose view is muffled still,
Should without laws give pathways to our will.
Where shall we dine? Gods me, what fray was here?
Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all:
Here’s much to do with hate, but more with love.
Why then, O brawling love, O loving hate,
O anything of nothing first create;
O heavy lightness, serious vanity,
Mis-shapen chaos of best-seeming things,

Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health,
Still-waking sleep that is not what it is:
This love feel I, which feel no love in this.
Dost thou not laugh?’
And like Benvolio I can only say, ‘No, coz, I rather weep.’ Weep because true love for me seems like nothing we can ever obtain and because such a beautiful expression seems like a judgmental comment for those who do not believe in love, ‘What? You do not believe in something as true as this? Something even Romeo expressed in such an overwhelming beauty?’ No. I do not.

Pride and Prejudice… the movie (Staring beautiful Keira Knightley and outrageously handsome Matthew MacFadyen – and of course the book… the wonderful, romantic, perfect piece of writing that always touches my heart. Oh do how you do it, madame Jane Austen?)
‘…Miss Elizabeth. I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you… I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family’s expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.
Elizabeth Bennet: I don’t understand.
Mr. Darcy: I love you…’
And I just think, ‘Go on… end his agony, take his hand, kiss his lips, hold a firm grip on his arm and feel what he does.’ She does but she doesn’t admit until the very end of the story. And it is beautiful. And I wish someone would say words like that to me and mean them. Making me struggle with wanting to believe that love doesn’t exist in order to protect my heart from any more pain but having a little ray of hope in shape of a little voice telling me, ‘Dare. Try it. If you do not try – how can you fail, how can you win? If you do not try?’

The stakes are high. The water is rough. Life makes love look hard. And in the end maybe a little part of me wants to believe it but the other part, the hurt one, the broken into million pieces one just couldn’t take it again and in the end I always find myself thinking‘well, if that is love it comes at much too high a cost…’

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

For the End… one more time because the picture is so brilliantly beautiful

Chilling and Relaxing and Wining and Dining [S01E05]


Wednesday – 7.00 am

Since the last days have been more of an adventure trip it seemed to us that the day was perfect to simply allow ourselves to do absolutely nothing – well hardly anything would be more like it actually.
I have been up since 6.30 am and was writing a bit on some stuff I am currently working on and while I was waiting for K and her mother C to wake up and embrace the sweetness of a rainy day. So I sat there wrapped up in my Burberry scarf on the balcony enjoying the view, the chill in the air and the softness of rain on my skin, writing lines, deleting lines, writing some more lines and changing some lines.

10.30 am – Shopping! (Well…no comment)

Once K and C were wide awake and K was freshened up we decided to pick up breakfast from another village… and yes, you are not wrong I really did use the term village. I can’t talk about that right now but let me put it this way: the village where I am at the moment isn’t even listed on maps. I think this will definitely explain everything. Non the less it is charming and calm and tranquil and relaxed and chilled and all the things else than big, loud and boomy. But that is okay for I enjoy it here quite well and for I do not have to live here my entire life (although I wouldn’t actually mind having a house the size of ten million shoe boxes just like K).
So we are there in the other village and we want to shop some stuff for our breakfast and as we decided we are about to cook in the evening (yeah me too – wait your turn. There’s going to be a surprise!) we need some more stuff and a tour to another village. The people are nice and friendly, of course they are. Aren’t they always in a village? I am even quite surprised compared to Austrian villages and well, the Austrians in general. One thing about them isn’t so easy on me – unfortunately – I do not understand a single word they say. Okay, might be a bit exaggerated but hey it is true. A guy talked to me and told me something while waiting for him to finish up the exploitation of his bottles for I can take my turn with C’s bottles and I did not understand him… it was so fast, so low, so mingled in words and intonations that I simply did not get it. But as he made a gesture for me to go ahead I figured out he said something in this direction but hey he could have even made a compliment on my sharp style and my Burberry Polo but then again – does he even know that Burberry isn’t some kind of berry?

12.00 pm – Oh so sweet!

Once we were finished with shopping groceries (Aldi really does look like Hofer!) we made a short stop at K’s aunt’s place where I met her grandparents (her grandmother just got a Pad as a gift – at the age of 80! How cool is that?!). Such lovely people. So nice, so friendly, so wonderful. I was really taken aback. Her aunt decided to join us watching Harry Potter and the deathly Hallows Part II on Thursday in Regensburg. We went there to get some eggs for the breakfast. And what did we forget? What did we realize once we entered the driveway? The eggs. So we drove back and got the eggs. And then we had a wonderful breakfast in the garden. I feel like in a Jane Austen book. I love it!

3.00 pm – Facial Treatment

While K relaxed on the couch not feeling too well because of various allergies her mother brought me into her facial laboratory (she isn’t just a great nurse but also a great facial expert!) and gave me one of her treatments and gosh did I feel relaxed and eased and calm and good. My face looked so happy after all those masks and creams and phials and massages and it felt better than ever before.

4.30 pm – Around the village? No, definitely not!

Actually K wanted to show me Abensberg – well it was raining heavily and it did not look like there was any opportunity we could go around for a walk. So we drove back home and did what we had to do the whole evening… relaxing. Chilling. Watching Sex and the City and being all captured in playing with our MacBooks – gosh just what we needed for one day!

6.30 pm – Me cooking?! Are you kidding?!

Before I meet a man I like to make clear that I am not a guy to be put at home for cooking and washing and ironing for I can neither cook nor wash. Ironing is something that I love – but no man needs to know that for I do not like to play the house bunny one day ironing shirt and socks and jeans… for things like that God created dry cleaning. Yesterday I kind of surprised not just myself but K as well and I believe that I have to write this down here. We started our cooking session with the dessert – called sweet dream – made of chocolate, sugar, chocolate, sugar and some more chocolate and sugar for we were quite artistically adding marshmallows and some more chocolate with pudding powder.
When we done with this we started the main dish – Grilled Chicken Stripes in cream sauce (for K and C with mushrooms – for me without for I believe that the mushroom is the natural enemy of the human being and will try to take over the world one day… and I will be prepared!) with bread dumpling.
I cut onions in little cubes like a pro would – I was surprised myself for I had a trick not to cry while doing this (send me an email for several tips!) and for this cubes looked very professionally made. K couldn’t believe her eyes and senses that I actually was of proper use in an area that I would usually use as storage for clothing and Martinis. But there we go – me cutting the chicken, her cutting the mushrooms (I do not even dare to touch them). And when we were done it looked so good – and then, the taste was even better. And I couldn’t believe it myself. And K couldn’t believe it as well. But it was. And I am proud!

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

P.S. Knowledge of the Day: Sometimes relaxing is all you really need – even though you are at a place where you can explore so much. Don’t you try to force yourself to having to walk around all the time. Sometimes it is all about you and your needs. XO

Love Stories…


In every century there are great love stories…in every history there are even greater writers creating those. They touch our hearts, they make us feel and the let us cry over joy, over loss, over fantasising that true love is there worth waiting for.

Centuries fade irrevocably…histories change undeniably…societies develope differently…but the only thing that seems to be surviving wars, death, poverty, fear, anxiety and grief are stories about love like Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy. It seems to be love is the only thing that remains unbeatable throughout centuries, history and throughout all the tragical, drastical movements, changings and developments the world faces every single day.

And that is acutally the major issue in all our problems. Love is something society puts inside our heads with all their great stories of people who fight every single fight for love with all their strength and all their power and all their so-called might, but what society is not really telling you is that most of those great, great love stories all end the same (except for Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy) – in a calamity, in broken hearts and in millions of tears. Romeo and Juliet die. And so do Tristan and Isolde. Without each other. Then, we have to realize that everything we will do in our lives connected with love is suffer. That is the only actual thing love is good for. Seperating the strong ones from the weak ones.
Those who are strong will survive the struggle and the pain of love and losing it, keeping on living and fighting for their own dreams, realizing everything only works out if you rely on the only person you can really trust – yourself! Those who are weak have to face the fact that life is not about being happily in love forever and ever, but about living and breathing and enjoying every single second of this life – even if it is alone or with someone at your side, temporarily. Nothing is meant to last forever anymore. The spirit of a love being so strong to last entirely until the end of times is dead. Just like true love is.

So when it comes down to being realistic all we seem to be…is human. And humans obviously do have flaws – the biggest one, believing in love. And even though I know that my irrational, realistic brain is telling me to not believe in love anymore there is a part inside me that still believes. But gives up every single day a bit more on the thought of being with a man truly in love with me, who Ican be truly in love with.

Fact is…love is dead. But what if…what if…what if…it isn’t?

Thank God Valentine’s Day is over!

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

P.S. Still if we are afraid of falling in love isn’t there something inside ourselves that keeps the faith in love alive?! Aren’t we all longing for a love to leave the loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for, a love to paint skies colourful for, a love to give up all the doubts for? Aren’t we all looking for that one special person looking you in the eye saying ‘I am madly, deeply, truly, passionately in love with you? Aren’t we? I am.

Female Energy, Female Creativity and the Female Ability of being an Inspiration [Part I] – Jane Austen


Watching Erin Brokovich for the 550th time, I am actually inspired on writing a piece on strong woman throughout the centuries that gave me mental strength and inspired nations, people and history, in fact that wrote history themselves. I believe that the female power is something very special, unique and above very creatively working. Throughout centuries and histories we keep pieces on, from and about women that left us not only great stories, achievements and comforts, but a legacy of wisdom, strength and confidence.
In the following Blog entry I am going to talk especially about women that inspired me throughout my twenty-two years of living not only in a mood-board kind of manner as designers often get inspired, but in a ‘I could change the world if I wanted to by using the bit of female intelligence and power I have inside of me though I am a male human being’ kind of way. This is going to be the first part in a hopefully hundred more following [and of course I am going to do a bit research on this very important topic] – it is me writing about female art and the power to enforce the spirit of talent, a strong will and gifted mind.

One of my most beloved and most favourite inspirations of my life is, in my mind one of the greatest and most gifted female writers of all time.
Jane Austen is some kind of role model for the writer inside of me. She is the female reincarnation of Shakespeare and all her works of romantic fiction are more than just a piece of written words but actually a piece of art. Her creation of a female protagonist that is neither weak nor willing to give up her right of free speech made Jane Austen to a cutting-edge writer of female rights, creativity and the ability of leading a male dominated world into a direction where it is no shame to be a talented and gifted woman who does not see herself only behind a cooker, but using her creative energy to force the world to open its eyes and its arms to the modern woman having her own career in the business she chooses for herself.
I believe it is hardly necessary to say that her novel ‘Pride and Prejudice’ is actually my most favourite book, which I could read every week again and again without being bored. Every single time I read through the lines of Elizabeth Bennet’s life and adventures I am stunned by her strength to be herself, to speak her mind and to just stand up for her rights, not defined as being a woman, but being a human being just like a man. It is unbelievable inspiring how pride encounters prejudice and everyone learns his own kind of lessons on life and the way the world works.

Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice

Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice

In my heart and my mind and of course in my imagination the spirit of Jane Austen will always live forever as a source of inspiration and as a piece of strong-willed heart she helped to form and showed what true romanticism really means in today’s society and how it can change people inevitably when they love unconditionally.

My dear Mrs. Jane Austen you are a piece of my life that I would never want to miss. Your novels gave strength, romantic energy and the ability to believe in the female powers around me. I adore you, truthfully.

XOXO

Mr.StrictlyIntimate

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