Archive for Jane Austen
First of all, I don’t take myself that seriously. I take what I do seriously, and I try to do a good job. (Denzel Washington in GQ US Oct 2012)
At University I feel like being at a point of struggling lately. I don’t have a problem with my grades or my motivation or with the environment. I am actually quite comfortable there, though, there are a few things that really bug me, but hey, you can find things that bug you or make you mad or angry always somewhere, somehow. So, that’s no big deal for me.
As you already know from some earlier entries, I am getting my master’s degree in Journalism and New Media — if you haven’t known so far, you know now. These studies involve a lot of writing, heavy writing. Sometimes these written exposés try to take me out of my comfort zone and I’m going there, out of it. But early on, when signing the contract with the university, I kind of made a pact with myself. I swore to everything that’s worth the world to me, you know, Burberry; VOGUE; Jane Austen; that, no matter what I was about to say or write or do, it would always be consisting of three things: HONESTY, STYLE and AUTHENTICITY.
With everything I write and have people read I want them to not just get to know me and my point of view, I want to present them the perspective of someone finally having an opinion and putting it out there. Even if they do not agree with what I have to say or like the way I say things but at least, it makes them think about my words and actions and opinions and maybe even gets them to form their own opinions — either on me or the topics I write about. I don’t want people to always agree with me, I think most people don’t get that I live for making them speechless; wondering if I’m really being serious. I love to make people laugh or cry reading my words. I love people to be confused by my words; to later on think about what I said once. I want them to form an opinion about my words — either good or bad.
But, what I want the utmost is for them to always find ME in the words I write, the stories I tell!
That’s not because I think I am the most brilliant person in the world, or the most talented, or the most articulate, or the one everyone has to listen to. I know, compared to a lot of other more influential people I might am not influential at all but still — who I am reflects who I want to be. And one day I want to make a change. I want to show people that they can achieve anything they want if they truly stay themselves and go ahead with it. Pull it off relentlessly.
I just want people to know that they can rely on me having an opinion; having a character that I can put out there, a character that doesn’t give a fuck about the things other people say just because they do not like the fact that I’m straight forward and relentlessly sincere. That is the authenticity in my words. I know, I may put a lot of fashion words in writing because I love the visual language and emotional depth of clothing. I want to be a character, people trust because they know one hundred percent that I am honest with them, and straight forward, and that everything I say and write and do is authentically constituting myself. Giving them a part of something they might be able to relate to.
This is who I am and I can’t understand why people always try to force you to be more like the others or more formal or writing based on guidelines. I write what I think and feel and would say in every second I live and breathe, for everything I always wanted to do.
Don’t get me wrong — I do abide by a certain set of rules when it comes to writing, like grammar or spelling. But what I want people to understand and accept and respect and tolerate is the fact that out there one must be himself and unique in order to survive this crazy mixed up world. That is what I am — that is what I believe in — that is what makes me truly special and different. I know who I am and I always make sure people understand that no matter what I say and write and do — it’s done by myself. With outspoken HONESTY, sharp STYLE and one hundred percent AUTHENTICITY. All three in capital letters.
Take it, or leave it.
…or being a single gay guy in Vienna. Apparently it seems to be important to pinpoint on the difference between a straight guy and a gay guy, even though I really tried to put my faith into believing that not being into women was the only thing that made me obviously different to other guys around me.
Funny fact – people believe a gay guy has to have a fashion gene. At least, that is what some women believe when they say things like “oh, I have always wanted to have a gay best friend, so we can go shopping and bash about boys and…”
Yeah, right… because that is how a friendship is supposed to work. You hunt for a gant toy guy on the street and once you’ve captured him you never let him go and bring him to parties, to your local Burberry store or your single girl’s night as a plus one because it is oh so groundbreaking. But, that is actually not the point of this article, though there is a point. I do NOT wa be treated or considered a girl! I am a guy. Yes, a gay guy. But a guy nonetheless. And as such I want to be treated.
Back to topic. The gay guy in Vienna. Or as I call it the single gay guy in Vienna. Or as this article should actually be called – how to put yourself out there if out there seems to be nothing worth putting yourself into?!
Alexandra Potter writes in her novel ‘Me and Mr Darcy,’ “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single (I have to switch the original girl with its male equivalent here) guy in possession of his (again switched from ‘her’) right mind must be in want of a decent man. There’s just one problem … […] where on earth do you find a decent man these days?”
The first minute I read those lines I laugh. The immediate second after I laughed I frustratedly close the book, put on a very concerned look and against all my beliefs of former days have to admit… “damn it, that woman has a point there. Fuck.” Because, when it comes to gay guys at least (and I pinpoint on those because you know – a gay guy should always go for another gay guy or because falling head over heels with a straight guy can either lead to misery or to a broken heart. Or both. And in some times, well, that is what I have heard from friends, it leads to having unattached sex because the other party wanted to “experiment.” Yeah, right. Uhm hum. Experiment it is.) there are no available men on the market for someone who doesn’t want to have a first date and then the sex but wants to have a first date, and a second one, and a third one before we cross bases that I maybe do not want to cross if a guy doesn’t even open a book once in a while. And yes, against all the people around me thinking I am crazy for this but I simply can’t date a guy who doesn’t read. I am sorry, but reading is like breathing to me. And it should at least be considered as some kind of self teaching method to gain knowledge; strength, sometimes; wise words, very often; funny or witty quotes even more often and above all material to talk about with someone else.
You see, yes, I am a bit frustrated sometimes when I think about how it should be and then being thrown back into real life having to face the fact that it isn’t what it should be. It is worse. It is fucked up a bit too. Okay, a load more than a bit but hey, who the hell decided that in 2011 / 2012 most of the gay guys really have to fulfill the cliche of only wanting flings and unattached sex? Is there anywhere a guy that cares about manners and romantic dates and good conversations over wine (or water or coffee or whatever)? I don’t care about a guy being the most romantic guy in the world and I definitely do not want someone to read poem to me, for that matter I can read some good old Shakespeare, but I to the least finally want meet a guy that has the decency to ask me out on a real date before asking me how big my dick is and which position I prefer. Is that too much too ask? You tell me.
P.S.: I am sorry that it took me so long to write again and that my first few lines are more words of frustration but I seem to be back somehow. In a new way though for I have reflected my past, rearranged myself and changed a bit of my old me in order to be a bigger, better and bolder 2012 version of Mr.StrictlyIntimate. Hope you forgive me. xoxo
Wednesday – 7.00 am
Since the last days have been more of an adventure trip it seemed to us that the day was perfect to simply allow ourselves to do absolutely nothing – well hardly anything would be more like it actually.
I have been up since 6.30 am and was writing a bit on some stuff I am currently working on and while I was waiting for K and her mother C to wake up and embrace the sweetness of a rainy day. So I sat there wrapped up in my Burberry scarf on the balcony enjoying the view, the chill in the air and the softness of rain on my skin, writing lines, deleting lines, writing some more lines and changing some lines.
10.30 am – Shopping! (Well…no comment)
Once K and C were wide awake and K was freshened up we decided to pick up breakfast from another village… and yes, you are not wrong I really did use the term village. I can’t talk about that right now but let me put it this way: the village where I am at the moment isn’t even listed on maps. I think this will definitely explain everything. Non the less it is charming and calm and tranquil and relaxed and chilled and all the things else than big, loud and boomy. But that is okay for I enjoy it here quite well and for I do not have to live here my entire life (although I wouldn’t actually mind having a house the size of ten million shoe boxes just like K).
So we are there in the other village and we want to shop some stuff for our breakfast and as we decided we are about to cook in the evening (yeah me too – wait your turn. There’s going to be a surprise!) we need some more stuff and a tour to another village. The people are nice and friendly, of course they are. Aren’t they always in a village? I am even quite surprised compared to Austrian villages and well, the Austrians in general. One thing about them isn’t so easy on me – unfortunately – I do not understand a single word they say. Okay, might be a bit exaggerated but hey it is true. A guy talked to me and told me something while waiting for him to finish up the exploitation of his bottles for I can take my turn with C’s bottles and I did not understand him… it was so fast, so low, so mingled in words and intonations that I simply did not get it. But as he made a gesture for me to go ahead I figured out he said something in this direction but hey he could have even made a compliment on my sharp style and my Burberry Polo but then again – does he even know that Burberry isn’t some kind of berry?
12.00 pm – Oh so sweet!
Once we were finished with shopping groceries (Aldi really does look like Hofer!) we made a short stop at K’s aunt’s place where I met her grandparents (her grandmother just got a Pad as a gift – at the age of 80! How cool is that?!). Such lovely people. So nice, so friendly, so wonderful. I was really taken aback. Her aunt decided to join us watching Harry Potter and the deathly Hallows Part II on Thursday in Regensburg. We went there to get some eggs for the breakfast. And what did we forget? What did we realize once we entered the driveway? The eggs. So we drove back and got the eggs. And then we had a wonderful breakfast in the garden. I feel like in a Jane Austen book. I love it!
3.00 pm – Facial Treatment
While K relaxed on the couch not feeling too well because of various allergies her mother brought me into her facial laboratory (she isn’t just a great nurse but also a great facial expert!) and gave me one of her treatments and gosh did I feel relaxed and eased and calm and good. My face looked so happy after all those masks and creams and phials and massages and it felt better than ever before.
4.30 pm – Around the village? No, definitely not!
Actually K wanted to show me Abensberg – well it was raining heavily and it did not look like there was any opportunity we could go around for a walk. So we drove back home and did what we had to do the whole evening… relaxing. Chilling. Watching Sex and the City and being all captured in playing with our MacBooks – gosh just what we needed for one day!
6.30 pm – Me cooking?! Are you kidding?!
Before I meet a man I like to make clear that I am not a guy to be put at home for cooking and washing and ironing for I can neither cook nor wash. Ironing is something that I love – but no man needs to know that for I do not like to play the house bunny one day ironing shirt and socks and jeans… for things like that God created dry cleaning. Yesterday I kind of surprised not just myself but K as well and I believe that I have to write this down here. We started our cooking session with the dessert – called sweet dream – made of chocolate, sugar, chocolate, sugar and some more chocolate and sugar for we were quite artistically adding marshmallows and some more chocolate with pudding powder.
When we done with this we started the main dish – Grilled Chicken Stripes in cream sauce (for K and C with mushrooms – for me without for I believe that the mushroom is the natural enemy of the human being and will try to take over the world one day… and I will be prepared!) with bread dumpling.
I cut onions in little cubes like a pro would – I was surprised myself for I had a trick not to cry while doing this (send me an email for several tips!) and for this cubes looked very professionally made. K couldn’t believe her eyes and senses that I actually was of proper use in an area that I would usually use as storage for clothing and Martinis. But there we go – me cutting the chicken, her cutting the mushrooms (I do not even dare to touch them). And when we were done it looked so good – and then, the taste was even better. And I couldn’t believe it myself. And K couldn’t believe it as well. But it was. And I am proud!
P.S. Knowledge of the Day: Sometimes relaxing is all you really need – even though you are at a place where you can explore so much. Don’t you try to force yourself to having to walk around all the time. Sometimes it is all about you and your needs. XO
In every century there are great love stories…in every history there are even greater writers creating those. They touch our hearts, they make us feel and the let us cry over joy, over loss, over fantasising that true love is there worth waiting for.
Centuries fade irrevocably…histories change undeniably…societies develope differently…but the only thing that seems to be surviving wars, death, poverty, fear, anxiety and grief are stories about love like Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy. It seems to be love is the only thing that remains unbeatable throughout centuries, history and throughout all the tragical, drastical movements, changings and developments the world faces every single day.
And that is acutally the major issue in all our problems. Love is something society puts inside our heads with all their great stories of people who fight every single fight for love with all their strength and all their power and all their so-called might, but what society is not really telling you is that most of those great, great love stories all end the same (except for Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy) – in a calamity, in broken hearts and in millions of tears. Romeo and Juliet die. And so do Tristan and Isolde. Without each other. Then, we have to realize that everything we will do in our lives connected with love is suffer. That is the only actual thing love is good for. Seperating the strong ones from the weak ones.
Those who are strong will survive the struggle and the pain of love and losing it, keeping on living and fighting for their own dreams, realizing everything only works out if you rely on the only person you can really trust – yourself! Those who are weak have to face the fact that life is not about being happily in love forever and ever, but about living and breathing and enjoying every single second of this life – even if it is alone or with someone at your side, temporarily. Nothing is meant to last forever anymore. The spirit of a love being so strong to last entirely until the end of times is dead. Just like true love is.
So when it comes down to being realistic all we seem to be…is human. And humans obviously do have flaws – the biggest one, believing in love. And even though I know that my irrational, realistic brain is telling me to not believe in love anymore there is a part inside me that still believes. But gives up every single day a bit more on the thought of being with a man truly in love with me, who Ican be truly in love with.
Fact is…love is dead. But what if…what if…what if…it isn’t?
Thank God Valentine’s Day is over!
P.S. Still if we are afraid of falling in love isn’t there something inside ourselves that keeps the faith in love alive?! Aren’t we all longing for a love to leave the loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for, a love to paint skies colourful for, a love to give up all the doubts for? Aren’t we all looking for that one special person looking you in the eye saying ‘I am madly, deeply, truly, passionately in love with you? Aren’t we? I am.
Female Energy, Female Creativity and the Female Ability of being an Inspiration [Part I] – Jane Austen
Watching Erin Brokovich for the 550th time, I am actually inspired on writing a piece on strong woman throughout the centuries that gave me mental strength and inspired nations, people and history, in fact that wrote history themselves. I believe that the female power is something very special, unique and above very creatively working. Throughout centuries and histories we keep pieces on, from and about women that left us not only great stories, achievements and comforts, but a legacy of wisdom, strength and confidence.
In the following Blog entry I am going to talk especially about women that inspired me throughout my twenty-two years of living not only in a mood-board kind of manner as designers often get inspired, but in a ‘I could change the world if I wanted to by using the bit of female intelligence and power I have inside of me though I am a male human being’ kind of way. This is going to be the first part in a hopefully hundred more following [and of course I am going to do a bit research on this very important topic] – it is me writing about female art and the power to enforce the spirit of talent, a strong will and gifted mind.
One of my most beloved and most favourite inspirations of my life is, in my mind one of the greatest and most gifted female writers of all time.
Jane Austen is some kind of role model for the writer inside of me. She is the female reincarnation of Shakespeare and all her works of romantic fiction are more than just a piece of written words but actually a piece of art. Her creation of a female protagonist that is neither weak nor willing to give up her right of free speech made Jane Austen to a cutting-edge writer of female rights, creativity and the ability of leading a male dominated world into a direction where it is no shame to be a talented and gifted woman who does not see herself only behind a cooker, but using her creative energy to force the world to open its eyes and its arms to the modern woman having her own career in the business she chooses for herself.
I believe it is hardly necessary to say that her novel ‘Pride and Prejudice’ is actually my most favourite book, which I could read every week again and again without being bored. Every single time I read through the lines of Elizabeth Bennet’s life and adventures I am stunned by her strength to be herself, to speak her mind and to just stand up for her rights, not defined as being a woman, but being a human being just like a man. It is unbelievable inspiring how pride encounters prejudice and everyone learns his own kind of lessons on life and the way the world works.
My dear Mrs. Jane Austen you are a piece of my life that I would never want to miss. Your novels gave strength, romantic energy and the ability to believe in the female powers around me. I adore you, truthfully.