Archive for Kay Panabaker
First of all, I don’t take myself that seriously. I take what I do seriously, and I try to do a good job. (Denzel Washington in GQ US Oct 2012)
At University I feel like being at a point of struggling lately. I don’t have a problem with my grades or my motivation or with the environment. I am actually quite comfortable there, though, there are a few things that really bug me, but hey, you can find things that bug you or make you mad or angry always somewhere, somehow. So, that’s no big deal for me.
As you already know from some earlier entries, I am getting my master’s degree in Journalism and New Media — if you haven’t known so far, you know now. These studies involve a lot of writing, heavy writing. Sometimes these written exposés try to take me out of my comfort zone and I’m going there, out of it. But early on, when signing the contract with the university, I kind of made a pact with myself. I swore to everything that’s worth the world to me, you know, Burberry; VOGUE; Jane Austen; that, no matter what I was about to say or write or do, it would always be consisting of three things: HONESTY, STYLE and AUTHENTICITY.
With everything I write and have people read I want them to not just get to know me and my point of view, I want to present them the perspective of someone finally having an opinion and putting it out there. Even if they do not agree with what I have to say or like the way I say things but at least, it makes them think about my words and actions and opinions and maybe even gets them to form their own opinions — either on me or the topics I write about. I don’t want people to always agree with me, I think most people don’t get that I live for making them speechless; wondering if I’m really being serious. I love to make people laugh or cry reading my words. I love people to be confused by my words; to later on think about what I said once. I want them to form an opinion about my words — either good or bad.
But, what I want the utmost is for them to always find ME in the words I write, the stories I tell!
That’s not because I think I am the most brilliant person in the world, or the most talented, or the most articulate, or the one everyone has to listen to. I know, compared to a lot of other more influential people I might am not influential at all but still — who I am reflects who I want to be. And one day I want to make a change. I want to show people that they can achieve anything they want if they truly stay themselves and go ahead with it. Pull it off relentlessly.
I just want people to know that they can rely on me having an opinion; having a character that I can put out there, a character that doesn’t give a fuck about the things other people say just because they do not like the fact that I’m straight forward and relentlessly sincere. That is the authenticity in my words. I know, I may put a lot of fashion words in writing because I love the visual language and emotional depth of clothing. I want to be a character, people trust because they know one hundred percent that I am honest with them, and straight forward, and that everything I say and write and do is authentically constituting myself. Giving them a part of something they might be able to relate to.
This is who I am and I can’t understand why people always try to force you to be more like the others or more formal or writing based on guidelines. I write what I think and feel and would say in every second I live and breathe, for everything I always wanted to do.
Don’t get me wrong — I do abide by a certain set of rules when it comes to writing, like grammar or spelling. But what I want people to understand and accept and respect and tolerate is the fact that out there one must be himself and unique in order to survive this crazy mixed up world. That is what I am — that is what I believe in — that is what makes me truly special and different. I know who I am and I always make sure people understand that no matter what I say and write and do — it’s done by myself. With outspoken HONESTY, sharp STYLE and one hundred percent AUTHENTICITY. All three in capital letters.
Take it, or leave it.