Mr.StrictlyIntimate
the Life, the Love and the Sex of Vienna.Black Ink on White Paper Like Thoughts on Where I Once Went Wrong
While I sit on my bed listening to Peter Bradley Adams and sketching little entities (black ink) that doesn’t make any sense too me, I am thinking about life and what I have lost throughout my 24 (and a half) years of living on this planet (in this weird society). You may think it wasn’t much of a time … I mean come on 24 ridiculous years and I am complaining while my 74 year old grandmother is lying in a hospital bed because she had a surgery yesterday… but still it doesn’t seem much of complaining but of reminiscing of what isn’t there anymore.
It is sad though… isn’t it? Forcing your memory to work its way back to when you where a little boy with shiny dreams growing up to become a young adolescent when you finally crossing the finishing line to being called an adult. Poor memory. Poor brain. It somehow seems to be some kind of self tormenting process because in the end you realize that everything you have lost is still dearly missed somewhere inside of your heart and mind and body.
Today, when I went to visit my grandmother I thought about life and the ridiculous velocity we treat it with. If we lose something it mostly is our own fault because either we did not work hard enough trying to keep what we dearly loved or we were just being totally careless not realizing how worthy some things, people and feelings can be to us. And the only way we realize it is by losing it. Here comes the twist that bugs me… I always say I do not believe and lately I found it very hard to say ‘I love you’ to anybody… I can’t even manage to say those words to my mother or my sister or my grandmother (in her usual good, healthy condition when I do not have to be afraid that she might not be waking up the next day). When I said goodbye to her (my grandmother) I really wanted to say it… those words I knew she wanted to hear… she wished for hearing… but I wasn’t able to get myself saying it. That is the one thing I have lost a while ago and it doesn’t even work when it is supposed to… I just looked at her and all I could say was ‘I will be watching over you. Both of my mobile phones are being powered so do not hesitate to call whenever you just feel the need of talking. I’ll be there. And don’t worry about waking me up (grandmother’s always do worry about that, don’t they?) because I will be up all night working and writing anyways (that was obviously a little white lie but in situations like these you can’t help it).’ I couldn’t say it.
And now I wonder one thing… will I ever get it back? Will I be able to say those three words ever again? I am afraid I won’t. And I am afraid people are really right by saying I am cold blooded. I don’t know if I am. I simply don’t know. All I know is I ain’t the man I once used to be… before every emotional crack inside me was exploding to become an emotional burden on my heart and my mind. Still I am sitting here… doing philosophy on life and fears and things one lost and can’t get back again (maybe). What have I done wrong in life and above all where did I go wrong?
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
P.S. Someone celebrates his birthday today… I will not congratulate him. Is that right? I mean he did not congratulate me and he broke my heart but in the end… aren’t we adults. Can’t we just say ‘happy birthday’ without sending a subliminal imaginary message one never meant to say?! What is wrong with us?
Triple Ligament Rupture and That One Starbucks That Simply Made Me Smile
It is times like these when certain people somehow surprise you… After I injured myself on Friday (Cast because of a triple ligament rupture) and have to face lying down in bed 24 / 7 it sounds reasonable that I have grown to ignore my social life concentrating on working and writing (and watching movies) because these are the only things I can do while lying trying not to strain my leg.
I have a lot of friends (even a fortune cookie once told me ‘Your greatest luck is the great number of friends you have’) and I am so happy that I have these for I can always call them when I am lonely (though I never do because I hate admitting it to myself when I am lonely); they come around when I need them (for instance now that I am alone at home facing my cast and a little bit of pain – but I am too proud to actually ask for help but it is somehow quite comforting to know one is there when you need someone)… they simply call because they want to know how I feel. I guess that is reassuring and that is a great luck in life I am very thankful for.
Today M came to visit me and I was hugely surprised that he came with a Starbucks… actually the one I always love to drink. He simply knew it and it is weird but it really made me blush because I was so surprised and here comes the other unbelievably nice thing: He bought a Thermos bottle to keep the coffee warm. I know a lot of people might think ‘come on, it is just coffee’ but hell to the NO it isn’t just coffee – it is a gesture of a friend who really cares and who really seems to know me. Remember: if one knows how you drink your coffee he knows everything about you.
After a long talk about the last weeks we haven’t seen each other we rapidly crossed every chapter to come across the one that was really interesting because there have been a few changes in M’s life for he now seems to have a boyfriend. And I did not think it was right somehow. But it is a long story and he knows my opinion on it and I think this isn’t something I should discuss here – it is none of my business and he will sort it out all by him pretty little self. He is a strong, confident guy. So he can take it all.
But one thing I have to say: If you feel alone sometimes… if you feel lost… all by yourself… with no one to turn to. Before you think of stepping into a relationship because of loneliness and not because of love – it is not right. Not the slightest. Never forget: if one has friends he is never alone. Never. Because they will always be there when you are down to build you up – when you face a low they will make you high – when it feels like you have dropped from a ten story building they will carry you up those thousands of steps to get you back where you fell from just so you can start again – over and over and over. That is why friends are there for you. That is, my dear M, why I will always be there for you!
Thanks M for that sweet surprise!
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
Just a Bunch of Thoughts…
So here is just a bunch of thoughts I had (and still have) today…
Life generally leads you into a lot of different directions (whether it is choosing the right path to follow when it comes to decide what to study or if it simply is making the decision between fat free and strawberry flavored yoghurt) – every decision you make will have a huge impact on your further life. Every step you take will mark an outline of a direction in which you could possibly go but not necessarily need to.
And what is the result, you may now ask? What is the result of every decision we actually HAVE to make in order to achieve something. And once the decision is made there are only two ways these decisions could lead you to – either to the road of disappointment because it was definitely the wrong decision (as it turned out in the end) or to the road of success because you chose wisely or luckily right for that moment.
But what do you do when it all turns out wrong and you feel not just disappointment but pure fear of falling apart and losing every little dream you held so sincerely and dearly inside to fulfill one day? Do you give up? Or do you simply get up and keep on trying.
Really do think about that.
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
Leona Lewis: the Song That Makes Me Want to Believe in Love
After a long but very educational day at the SEOkomm Academy I am finally at home (since a couple of hours actually but you know there comes the Vogue time, the showering time, the communicating with B time and then the Big Bang Theory time) and ready to write. Obviously, as you are reading words I have written a couple of minutes ago.
So here I sit listen to a song hat I publicly have to declare being the number one love / romantic song of all times. There is no song like this one. At least to me there isn’t for I have to say that every time I listen to it (which is quite often as you can guess) I almost start to cry because of its beauty, its simplicity – the lyrics (originally by Snow Patrol – but to me their version is way different. Still unbelievably beautiful and well, the original, but this… is just pure perfection to me!); the melody; the simplicity of stripping down everything to just being a piano and an incredible, unbeatable voice; the choir when the singer sets in to sing the chorus for a last final time with all her heart and soul and breathtaking voice… Leona Lewis. The ultimate power when it comes to talent.
Leona Lewis – Run [from the Album Spirit (Deluxe Edition)]
(written by Gary Lightbody, Jonathan Quinn, Mark McClelland, Nathan Connolly and Iain Archer | produced by Jacknife Lee/Snow Patrol)
I’ll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You’ve been the only thing that’s right
In all I’ve done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we’ll make it anywhere
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you, dear
Louder, louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you, dear
Louder, louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you, dear
Louder, louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say
Whenever I listen to the song (whether it is recorded or a live version) it gives me the chills; it makes my heart beat in a rhythm it beat the last time when I was in love for the very first time with a man who I thought would never leave me left to bleed, who would never disappoint me and leave me all by my lonesome self; it brings tears to my eyes, even though crying isn’t something I usually do (at least not since a year now). It is the most beautiful, most touching, most breathtaking, most emotional song and to me it means the world. It means love even though I do not believe in it anymore but if love would exist it would feel like this… like listening to the song. Warm, intimate, familiar, trusted.
And now there is just one thing for you to do… to feel what I feel every time I close my eyes to listen to the song. Play this live version recorded 2007 when the song premiered on Radio One Live Lounge, place yourself on your bed as comfortably as possible… close your eyes and simply let this song sneak into your body… working its way further into your innermost… into your soul… until it reaches the very core of your emotional being. Let it touch you there – right there and feel it. Simply feel it.
This is love. Ultimately. Purely. Truly. Faithfully. Sacredly. Sincerely.
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
Fashion Camp Vienna 2011 – the Biggest Blogger Mash Up Vienna has Ever Seen!
Facebook: FashionCamp
Twitter: #fcvie
When?
Saturday
10th September 2011 – 11 am to 6 pm
Where?
The Hub Vienna
Lindengasse 56
1070 Vienna
A Loft as bright and beautiful as I haven’t seen it before.
A White floor, white walls, white curtains and a white ceiling…
The Hub Vienna
Who?
The better question would be – who not? Everyone in the Austrian and German blogger scene (and I have seen Moritz from Gebrueder Stitch – a famous Austrian Jeans Label! God I love these guys. And God Moritz is a beautiful guy…) was invited and a whole great bunch of people attended. People I know since I started my blog two years ago – people I became acquainted with throughout my years of blogging – new faces whom I look forward to meeting again and whom I wish all the luck in the world to achieve whatever they want with their blogs!
Session 1: Copyright
A fabulous and interesting talk about the laws, rights and restrictions of using pictures from the internet. Dr. Axel Anderl was a very competent speaker (who sweated a little bit too heavily but who cares about that if he is such a great lawyer).
Session 2: Cybermobbing
With Jasmin Arensmeier from Tea & Twigs, was one of the most entertaining speeches and discussions I have been allowed to listen to in a long time now. She was just absolutely perfectly dressed and had a sense of humor that is mostly something only German people have – a natural sense of humor. Something you can’t learn but just develop throughout the years of growing up and becoming a self confident woman / man.
Session 3: From Blog to Brand
In the beginning I actually thought this lesson was supposed to be kind of a ‘How to…’ for those who want to start making blogging a business for themselves – a business opportunity. In the end it actually only appeared to be the stories of Anna Frost (fashionpuppe.com) and Kathrin Wittich (kathrynsky.de) and how they made it. I guess that wasn’t much of a help to a lot of people there…
Session 4: Enterprises in Commercing Social Media
In this hour of discussion I actually missed the social media part – I mean, not that it wasn’t there, but it simply did not dominate the conversation which actually well, should have been if it was called to be about enterprises and social media and not about the way companies or blogs communicate with other bloggers. Somehow there was a little twist in there… nonetheless I have to say that Julia Basagic (fanfarella.com) definitely was the best hostess of the day – she was professional, sharply dressed and as always very funny.
Session 5: ‘Vienna as a Fashion City?’
The most discussed topic throughout my years of blogging and of course throughout my years of studying fashion design / journalism / marketing and PR as well… and it was one of the most discussed topics at today’s FashionCamp. It was great and interesting and really made me angry somehow… Maria Oberfrank (who showed up in Flip Flops and one of the worst trousers I have ever seen in my entire life) really made me want to scream at her for saying that it wasn’t much of a loss when the Fashion Institute Vienna in Cooperation with the University for Artistic and Industrial Design Linz has to shut down Fashion Design Bachelor studies. Yeah, it is true and sad. It really made me sad for I have to think back how much I developed personally and as a professional. After the discussion was down she couldn’t have been gone faster but I still had to make my point clear and so I took the chance and the microphone and said what I thought: ‘Hetzendorf was a chance for those who had a dream… a fashionable dream. A dream about becoming a designer and it is wrong to say there hasn’t been any marketing background because in fact what we have been taught was how to create a label – how to create a company – how to make us a brand! It is said and unfair to take away this chance for those who have a dream and for those who can’t attend an elitist association such as die Angewandte…’
In the end all that is left to say is a big thank you to all those who organized the fashion camp – all those who invested their time and energy to make such a big and great event possible! We had our fun – thank you so much for this.
XOXO
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
P.S. All Pictures taken by Ali and Ina of Lovely Shared Secrets – two young women I have met today and who instantly won my heart by being naturally pretty and perfectly nice.
Mr.StrictlyIntimate
Mr.TechnicalAdvice
